Self Care Tips

Hi everyone! It's so good to be back and blogging again - hopefully I'll be able to commit to some sort of consistent blog soon, but I can't promise anything (On Demand TV, sunbathing whilst this 3-day heatwave lasts and copious amounts of sleep are serious pulls on my time at the moment.. I know, I'm awful, sorry!).


But I have some good news! For some of you who might not know, I've become one of the Welfare Officers at my college (woo Lincoln!!) at Oxford University, which is so exciting for me as I really like being able to help people out when they need a hand, give advice, and provide a listening ear; these are basically the main demands of the role. I cannot wait to get started with the job next October, and hope that any Lincolnites reading this are eagerly awaiting more Welfare Teas and self care activities! So in celebration of welfare, summer and of course, all of you lovely people reading my blog, I thought I'd compile a couple of "self care" tips for you to try!

The idea of self-care, in my mind, is about allowing yourself to make mistakes, have some me-time, and, importantly, not beat yourself up about things that happened in the past - not saying "what if", regretting decisions and feeling negative about yourself. This is really such a crucial part of improving self esteem, confidence and body image, and if I could wish everyone reading this to be a bit kinder to themselves, the world would be a much better place! Obviously this isn't easy, and we can't be wallowing in comfort food and cat videos on YouTube 24/7 (totally not what I've been doing this summer...) but incorporating a couple of things to do every day to make yourself feel a little more loved can never be a bad thing! Here goes..

1.  Get some organisation and structure to your life (hang on a minute, you're thinking, she's supposed to be promoting me-time and relaxation, not a militant training regime..) - hear me out here! Until very recently, and even right now, I guess, I'd spend my time at Uni vaguely planned out, with some distant idea of what needed to be done when, and the odd trip to the library / Tesco as and when I needed it, but I'd never actually made regular lists and schedules. This left me stressed out, upset and too eager to do everything I'd set myself up for to cancel things (which, as a side note, I definitely should have done. Priorities were so lacking in my life!). Don't get me wrong, spontaneous trips can be a form of self care, and are fantastic, but a good underlying routine can help you to be happier and healthier in the long run. Perhaps start by writing a list at the start of each day with a few basic things to clear, and you might get as much of a kick out of crossing out things like "laundry", "send email" and "get milk" as I do... yep, I really do enjoy that process of ticking things off! I've started regularly getting up before midday in the holidays (and given my laziness, this probably deserves a medal - I know this isn't a big achievement for most people) and have been really impressed with the fact that you can get most of your daily activities done by lunchtime, if you're efficient! My good friend Darcy has been a huge inspiration to me in my quest to master organisation, so she is to thank for the fact that I actually sort-of have my life together at the minute - as well as a multitude of other amazing things I have to thank her for! Giving yourself that push to just get boring tasks out of the way, downloading a calendar app to keep all of your commitments in track, and setting your alarm that bit earlier can all contribute to a higher sense of achievement (not in the super-competitive academic way, more like a sense of being content and fulfilled) and making yourself feel on track and in control of life! Another great part of a regular schedule could be adding in social time with your friends - and even if you don't feel like discussing whatever's on your mind at the moment, just taking a break to see people you care about and chatting to them about everyday things, and how they're doing, can put your frame of mind back into positivity. At University, regularly seeing the people you care about in the midst of stressful deadlines and chaotic extra-curricular activities can help to keep you sane and on the home straight! And ta-da, you're on the way to self-care city*!

2. Compile a lovely uplifting playlist to listen to on any down days or periods of "meh" that will make you feel a little better, or at least, if they don't, you can at least have some 80s music as the soundtrack to those "meh" days! I am a massive advocate of music to get yourself into a different headspace, to listen to in the background during a bath or shower, having your headphones in whilst out and about.. household tasks seem a lot less dull when you have some sort of poppy beat in the background! If you have a go-to "feel good" playlist, to let your hair down and party to of a Friday evening, as well as for your evening down-time, this will make you much more likely to utilise it! I think the key to this is updating and switching around your "faves" playlist as often as you like, to avoid getting stuck in a loop of stuff you no longer listen to. Spotify have some brilliant ready-made playlists too! I recommend Feel Good Friday and Monday Motivation for throughout the week, because Thursday evenings need as much motivation as Monday mornings sometimes! Oh, and for the record (pun intended) Hamilton is being blasted all day every day during the holiday - Clemency - I miss our jam revision and Hassans sessions!

3. Be a friend to yourself, and let your friends know what's up so they can look out for you. Taking hours to overthink things, feel guilty and get het up is one of my biggest anti-self-care acts!! If you feel like you need to have a heart-to-heart with a friend, write an important email, ring someone you've had a row with, end a particular relationship, get through a mountain of work.. often these things are best talked about aloud, written down, or simply got out of the way. Going round in circles in your head can make you feel so much worse, and I know how poisonous our own thoughts can get! We're our own worst enemy when it comes to self perception, and often judge ourselves much more critically than anyone else would. An analogy I often hear is that if you're making a self-deprecating or overly harsh comment, either about your appearance or actions, have a think about how your closest friends would react to hearing you say this, or whether or not you'd ever say anything of the sort to them. If you would say this to them, or feel they'd encourage you to continue to talk about what's on your mind, then you're either massively into brutal honesty (good for you, but perhaps this needs toning down at times!), or needing to, gradually, and at your own pace, come to terms with important personal home truths. And this is often so hard! We sweep things under the carpet, hoping that since we're the only people who know the deepest truths about ourselves means that they'll stay hidden, when really, talking to someone would put our minds at ease so much more. Nowadays, the pressure to be "perfect" in so many regards, having the perfect lifestyle, diet, figure, job, academic interests, home, workout routine... can get too much to be able to cope with, and it's so important to realise that you, every one of you, is wonderful as they are, and shouldn't be warped into thinking any particular body image or lifestyle is "ideal" - and friends and family can be so brilliant in reminding you about how beautiful you are as you are without changing to fit in, and how well you're doing - this is the heart of self care, from my perspective! *sorry guys that got a bit emotional!* It could be a family member, friend, University or school contact, counsellor or a nurse or doctor, but if there's something playing on your mind, whether it be about your personal life, health or relationships, I'd really encourage you to let it out to someone rather than suffering by yourself. So many people are here to help, and if you're having a good day, why not let your friends know that you're there for them - maybe your positivity and care could be used to help them to feel how special and awesome they are!

4. Go on a walk. I love walks. During exam season, I would procrasti-walk, which probably isn't even a thing - see the lengths Linguistics problem sheets would take me to, guys. It wasn't fun. My poor (probably sick-to-death-of-me) friends would receive a message on the group chat every day asking if any of them would join me on a walk round Oxford that afternoon - yeah, sorry about that, guys..! And most of the time I'd go on my own, grab a coffee (this became a rather expensive habit) and take a walk round Christ Church Meadows with my headphones in. The sportier among you may take this advice and go on "early morning runs". I applaud you, I really do, but I don't do runs. Like Miranda says, I feel like a grown adult should only feel the need to run if they're near a train station and have just glanced at their watch.. Feel free to up the pace from my casual stroll, but I feel like getting out into the open for half an hour can really perk you up, especially as a revision or work break. Having some me-time of self care to think through your plans for the day, contemplate whatever your mind's been filled with, and not having the pressure of maintaining a conversation / being sociable can be hugely beneficial. And if you can find pretty Instagram-worthy scenery on your way, all the better! 

5. Buy yourself some treats! Sometimes what you really, really crave is that particular bar of chocolate, getting yourself a new lipstick, bath bomb, face mask, stationery set.. the list goes on. If you've been eyeing up something in a shop window for months on end, and are going through a bit of a rough patch, why not treat yourself to it? I know budgets and all are kind of important, but occasionally, a little splurge purchase can help yourself to feel so much better, and hey, if you'd had your eye on it for a while anyway, chances are you won't regret it too much! You are so special, every one of you, and deserve to have some luxury in your life! Disclaimer: I'm not a financial advisor and please don't hold me responsible for your bank balance.. I'm only advocating an odd treat here and there ;) #treatyourself

6. Realise that some things can't be changed, and that bad things that happen to you are by no means a reflection on you as a person. Self care is about realising that you can't be superhuman and have made, and will make mistakes! Life is bad and unfair a lot of the time, and it is incredibly tough to get by, but dwelling on the negatives and feeling like you're not good enough / should give up / should have acted differently a million years ago in some situation that nobody even remembers is generally unhelpful! Try to invest your energy in building positive relationships, trying out new hobbies, having fun and living in the moment, rather than focussing on what you can't go back to. A sense of peace and acceptance of the past is so helpful, and though it takes a while to come to terms with these qualities, once you feel comfortable enough to put bad memories behind you and move forward, the self-care truly begins!

As always, I truly hope that some of you might feel even a little bit better reading this post, and that you'll be encouraged to be less hard on yourself, pamper yourself more, think less about the negatives, and have special treats when needed. I'll pop some links below if you'd like to seek help and support for any issue, and look forward to hearing any replies, whether you agree or disagree with my rather spontaneous advice, and what you like doing on days where me-time calls!

Lots of love,
Jenna
xxx

*If such a place does exist, you'll find me there all day, every day, drinking tea, messaging friends and watching Location Location Location. Actually, perhaps Kirstie and Phil could find me a house in Self-Care City.. Yes, I am actually 75 years old...

Helpful links:

http://www.samaritans.org
http://www.nhs.uk/service-search/Mental-health-support/Location/330
http://www.selfcareforum.org/about-us/useful-links/
https://www.ox.ac.uk/students/welfare/counselling/self-help/podcasts?wssl=1 (not just for Oxford students)
https://www.ox.ac.uk/students/welfare/counselling/self-help/self-care?wssl=1   (")
http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VamqK8P3WfI - Lucy Moon's video was one of the things that inspired me to write this! She's awesome

Three Ways to Maybe be Happier

Hey everyone! Long time, no blog! But anyone who knows me will have experienced my sporadic tendencies to be creative, which are probably actually directly related to how bored of revision I am... so sorry! Anyway, this is going to be a little ramble about 3 metaphorical nuggets of university (and life and school and the like) wisdom. Disclaimer: I am in no way wise.

1. Don’t get psyched out by others, or, more importantly, the voice in the back of your head! Comparison really is the thief of all joy. As is an overly active subconscious… So realise that as all your past achievements have been personal ones, independent of others’ successes (ok except that one module your very helpful friend helped you ace)  why is there a reason to pit yourself up against anyone else for future endeavours? Only you are in charge of your own happiness, and your path in life!! I wonder how much time we all waste thinking about people, things, potential scenarios and mistakes that never actually matter. It’s probably ridiculous. At uni, especially somewhere very competitive like Oxford, it’s almost impossible to not look at what everyone else is doing with their lives. But I’ve realised that the more time you spend looking at how inferior you feel your life or worth is compared to other people’s, the more you start to believe it. Whatever you give your brain time and fuel to think about will end up taking over. It’s such a simple concept but I think it could be the key to everyone being a lot happier in life! Wasting time thinking about why you might not be as good as someone else or regretting that unproductive vacation or that Easter egg you ate all in one go isn’t going to change the past, it will literally only make you feel worse. No good can ever come from dwelling on bad events in the past or negative comparisons. So block out that silly voice in the back of your head that’s making you feel guilty and just move on! Take action to make this happen if needed - stop spending time with people who might make you feel less worthy, stop reading things that make you feel unnecessarily upset. It’s not worth your valuable time bringing yourself down (that sounds silly to even write!) - you’ve got friends to make, clubs to join, essays to nail, and better decisions to make! 
2. Pace yourself!! It’s so tempting to go out there and try to do and be absolutely everything, all at once. This could apply to work, social situations, new hobbies or relationships. Apply this to uni, and you will end up fairly broke, exhausted, hungover, regretful, and with a general sense of “urgh” if you approach it like a high speed train!! I know I mentioned this in my Fresher’s Guide post, but think that this long-term perspective is so worth keeping in mind for all areas of life. Especially the academic. And it’s something I’m still learning! Planning is key to avoiding a last-minute panic of revision cramming, knocking out an essay whilst only half-aware of where you are and what your title is.. yep, I’ve been there, as many of us have, and it’s not pretty. Planning is actually ridiculously hard, (at least I’ve found), but a couple of basics from one of the least organised people ever: just know what tasks you have due in and when (write these down somewhere other than the back of your hand), roughly how long they’ll take, what books or resources you’ll need, and a space of time other than *the night before* in which to complete it. That’s it!! That’s literally how you plan*. Now keep applying this logic to other parts of your life - want to become great at fitness? Don’t join 5 clubs at once and ditch all forms of sugar on a whim. Start gradual! This could even work for personal changes - loads of people want to reinvent themselves at uni (lolz anyone who knows me will know that I am pretty easy to read most of the time and can’t deal with this reinvention lark). But you could start, for example, with a little change every day. Want to be more productive? Set your alarm for gradually earlier times until you keep it consistent! Don’t burn yourself out though, ever. It’s way more important to have a good quality of life, get enough sleep, and have regular meals, whilst falling behind on a couple of deadlines perhaps, and maybe not going on that night out / run / society event that you were sort of looking forward to. If you keep in touch with your tutors and let them know if it’s all a bit too much, chances are, they’re a human with a busy life themselves who will more than likely understand and offer you some sympathy and a few days’ extension, to get back on your feet. Friends will be equally understanding if you can’t spend as much time with them, or need more “me time”. Nobody expects you to be superhuman! So you shouldn’t expect it of yourself, either. 

3. Be a bit braver than you’d like to be. Go with your gut, and trust your instincts here. If you’re sitting in a tutorial with a potentially interesting point to raise, just go for it. You are paying for an education, so use every opportunity you can get to clarify things, or expand on your own brilliance! Most importantly, far fewer people will judge you for raising your hand in a lecture to ask a question than you think, and those that do really aren’t worth your time. This goes for friendships and social stuff too.  If someone sitting at lunch looks friendly, just go and chat to them! If there’s an audition you thought looked interesting but you don’t feel prepared enough to take the plunge, just drop an email anyway and turn up with a half-learned monologue which you can read. Literally nothing bad will come of it! I’ve been there - the worst that can happen is you might get a bit shaky, end up not getting the part, and move on with life. It is all a learning experience! I recently felt like wearing dungarees (side note: I’m rarely this adventurous with fashion..) so I just went for it, knowing that I might regret it or feel a bit silly later that day! This is turning into a load of cliches (in all honesty, what else would you expect from me at 2am during a revision crisis?!) but it’s true that you end up regretting the stuff you never tried rather than the stuff you did try and failed. In time, those failures really won’t matter that much. But the niggling sense of regret would have been so much worse! I recently watched a cool TedTalk video on “How to stop screwing yourself over” in which the speaker said that everything you have to do to achieve your goals requires a bit of activation energy that you’ll never really feel like doing. You’ll never want to try out something new, and get out of a routine (for me that routine is sleep for 12 hours, watch Netflix, half-heartedly type up a few notes, more Netflix, chocolate, bed…) but how ridiculous would life become if you never branched out of routine?! It’s worth a shot!

I really hope this helps some of you to be a bit more adventurous, self-confident and grounded as we head into this partly stressful and exam orientated, partly more sun, croquet (ridiculous but true Oxford stereotype..) and ice cream filled season that is summer! You're so worth more than to feel inferior to others, regretful of the past and overwhelmed with things you feel you should be doing! Drop me a comment if you liked / disagreed / found any of this vaguely interesting and I will most likely cry inside with joy. 

Jenna

P.S. On an utterly random note, if you’re in need of cheering up, I’ve recently become obsessed with Carpool Karaoke and the hilarious James Corden in general.. type in “Adele Carpool Karaoke” on YouTube for some laughs, drunken stories, fab harmonies and cheesy Spice Girls singing, I promise you won’t regret it :) 

*definition of plan is 99.999% likely to be more complex than this and my knowledge of planning fits on the back of a postage stamp. Which is probably where I’d write this knowledge seeing as I’m not organised enough to have a “jotter”.

How to Stay Positive..?

Hello everyone! *A new post?! From, potentially, the least active blogger on the planet?! I know, who'd have thought it.*

So after a really intense, fun and (mostly..) work filled first term at uni, I know as well as the next person that everything can get overwhelming, and make you lose sight of goals / perspective / reality / sanity / happiness / the list goes on. I can be awful at time management, motivation and I often procrastinate - I'll hold my hands up, it's difficult to just sit down and get *in the zone*, and this can lead to work build up, feelings of sadness and a loss of hope. I've been through it, I know how it feels! But recently things have been taking a turn for the better.

I'd been putting off a post of this sort for quite a while, and I've only just realised (after having a chat with my lovely friend Paula, without whom I'd never have started this blog!) why I was so tentative. It's because I really don't think I've nailed this *positivity* lark. Who am I to offer advice on something I don't even know how to manage myself yet? 

But here's something I've learned. There's never going to be a right time. To make a fresh start, to advise someone, make an important phone call, start an essay, open up a book, meet a friend... *shameless plug: my first post "Why are we waiting?" is basically this*. You just have to take that initial leap. I'm primarily going to give advice based on my new approach to work and academics, but thinking about it, this is applicable to most kind of life-struggle. 

Think of it as a hug and a biscuit, as well as a nudge in the right direction, in a blog post!

1. You're not on your own. It's so easy to get so boxed in, whilst in the middle of a deadline, sitting in your room or the library, thinking that nobody else is struggling, that you're the only one working, or even that there's nobody you can talk to. There is always somebody to talk to. Sometimes the most uplifting experience is just taking a step back, speaking to someone external to your environment (so maybe who doesn't go to your university or school, work at the same company, or even belong to your friendship group). And it doesn't have to be a counsellor or therapist if you don't want it to be. Just let your feelings out, and I can guarantee you that other people you speak to will be feeling the same way. Make sure you don't get yourself so entangled in your own little bubble of thoughts and fears that you lose sight of the bigger picture. If there's a specific topic you struggle with (*cough cough* friends of mine will have heard about my first-term difficulties with a certain new field of study!) it may help to have a quick chat to see if there's something vital that you're missing. Sometimes hearing someone else's take on an issue can help you to visualise things in another way which leads everything to click in your mind. It's worth a shot! And if you're studying and really cannot understand a concept, no matter how much help from friends (or Google!) that you seek, don't shy away from contacting your teachers or tutors. They're there to help you!  

2. Don't compare yourself to others. Just don't! (Put a "don't go compare" sign on your wall and sing the annoying TV ad in your head... Gosh I'm insane.) Now this is something I've struggled with, for years now. I never used to think of myself as a competitive person (certainly not with sport, I'm useless and just give up!) but lately I'm starting to think there's a streak in me that's constantly, subconsciously, trying to pit myself up against other people to validate, or confirm, how I'm doing. This is not a good way to live your life!!! Though it may seem like a natural instinct, it does so much more harm than good. For one thing, so many people struggle in silence (not taking advantage of point number 1, as you will now be aware ;) ) and so to everyone else, it seems like they're doing so well: there's always that one person who seems to maintain a flawless appearance, great friendship circle, fantastic grades, go to the gym, eat healthily, offer you advice, and generally have a sense of calm and composure, 24/7. I guarantee you that this is a facade. No such person exists. And you will never completely have everything together in your life. And that's okay! It's all about managing as best as you can. I find myself comparing the level of work I'm doing with people in completely different academic disciplines: how come I spend so much longer reading up for a weekly essay than some scientists will take on a problem?! Maybe the expression I'm looking for here is "each to their own", or an equivalent Paula taught me from this *urban teenage lingo* that I seem to have missed, "you do you, boo, you do you". I recently had a chat with the Chaplain at my college (one of the kindest and most level-headed people I know, she's ace) and she offered me a spiritual question here: "does God compare you to anyone else?". No, He doesn't: He looks at each individual for their qualities, their unique path in life and their speed of growth. Whether you're religious or not, this question can have great significance if you word it, perhaps, "why do other people's performance matter to me?". "Never compare your beginning to someone else's middle, or your middle to someone else's end". I reckon the only person you can *hesitates* compare yourself to, is other versions of yourself. It's such an accomplishment to see how far you've matured, whether socially, personally, spiritually or academically, and how, through just focussing on your own progress, you can become a much more positive person. Safety warning: don't be too hard on yourself though *why hello, Jess Glynne*. Nobody can be a "perfect" version of themselves! 

3. Bit by bit, day by day, you will get through this. This speaks for itself, I think. But it's fundamental! My outlook has changed, over the course of 24 hours, from "how am I ever going to manage this 500 page novel, X number of essays, X amount of vocabulary words...?". The trick is, you're never going to have to tackle all this in a single day. Break it down, and you'll find yourself in a more positive mindset. If you're really struggling to motivate yourself, just a small task is the key to setting off a positive chain. In the morning, set yourself a list of tiny goals, like getting ready, opening up your books, and gradually, if you see life as a series of achievable hurdles, you're going to be so much more positive. Calm yourself down if you end up overwhelmed with deadlines. You can do it, just one task at a time. The first step is definitely the hardest to take, but you'll be so glad you did! 

Thank you so so much for reading this far. I really appreciate every one of you :) I'd love it if you left me some comments with any tips you might have about positivity, or any quotes / strategies you find useful. And blog post ideas are most welcome!

I've left some links if you would like to chat about how you're feeling with someone (step number 1) - as I cannot claim to have any experience in this field, nor offer very professional advice. I hope these are helpful.

http://www.samaritans.org

http://www.self-help.org.uk

http://www.mind.org.uk

Jenna

xx

How to survive Freshers Week!

Hi everyone!! Another massive apology for the lack of posts but deadlines kind of took over my life over the past month, to the extent that getting enough sleep, and having a work/life balance was a struggle! All is well, worry not, I am now back home and loving life!! I hope you enjoy this post about how I got through Freshers Week :)

1. Get yourself organised: Make a list of all the compulsory talks, tours, registration events you have to attend, and prioritise them over everything else. If you get yourself ahead of the game, by pencilling in all your deadlines, contact hours and extracurriculars from week 1, your future self will love you for it. A couple of ideas I've seen that tend to work well include getting a calendar on your pin board, using a planner app, a physical diary, post it's, to-do lists... the possibilities are endless! Don't forget to take a look at things like Freshers Fair, introductory fun activities and stuff that the Student Union might be putting on to give you a fab start to Uni life! And as tempting as it will be in an unfamiliar environment, try not to stay holed up in your room on Skype to family and friends from home - there'll be far more to catch up on after diving into Uni life, and you'll feel so much less homesick once you've settled in with a new group of friends, believe me. Of course it's really vital to stay in touch, so dropping them texts and selfies as well as a couple of phone calls is a great way to keep them in the loop. On the whole, this is the week (or two weeks for some of you lucky lucky freshers.. guess who only really got 3 days off work and is incredibly resentful..?) where you can forget the fact that you're at Uni to study and immerse yourself in social activities! Ah, for another go at Freshers Week! 

2. Realise that you can't do everything: Going out every night might seem really attractive at the start, but you WILL get worn out! Take it from me - pick a few activities that you think you'll enjoy and ensure you get enough rest, even sitting around in the common room and chatting to other freshers is a great way to get to know people, you don't have to spend every minute out clubbing or trying out societies. Our college put on loads of alternatives to drinking events, meaning you could afford to have a couple of movie/games nights in and relax rather than go wild all the time. Pace yourself, you have the whole 3/4/ years to experience a variety of new things, not just this one week! Do as much as you can without exhausting yourself. *Oh and on a side note - if you've just come back from a night out and have been drinking, a couple of glasses of water before you go to bed will work wonders for your system!! And don't forget to set an alarm.. I definitely haven't made that mistake..*

3. Be yourself and others will flock to you: The most reassuring sight when you're looking around the dining hall for someone, anyone to sit with, is a smiley face and a free seat - if you make the extra effort to come across as friendly, you'll be instantly rewarded. But this doesn't mean putting on a front - I don't advise making anything up as by the end of term, you'll really regret telling other freshers that you did 7 A levels and auditioned for the X Factor last year.. there's just no point! Your current friends are with you because of who you are, and don't have any doubt that your future Uni friends will be just the same - I speak from experience, having made a bunch of amazing friends in my first term who I can be completely myself around, unapologetic and crazy! *shoutout to my lovely Maths duo, sassy sheepies and the Lincoln freshers who all made me feel so welcome*

I'm considering compiling these tips, along with a couple of funny anecdotes, into a Freshers Week video for my YouTube channel - please leave me a comment if you'd like to see it! 

Enjoy the Christmas holidays ("vacations" for fellow Oxonians.. there's never a holiday from work!) and thanks for reading!

Jenna
xx

Disappearing off the face of the earth..

Hi everyone!

It's been a very, very long time, I do realise that. So I have some explaining to do...

I arrived at University on 6th October, and in case you guys don't know, I'm at Oxford University, which has been a rather extreme, intense experience that's completely overwhelmed my life for the past three weeks.

I thought I'd take a moment to fill you in on my life and its twists and turns, (and also I'm in the library, supposedly working on an essay but have lost concentration.. I know, I'm an awful human being!) so what I will say is that it's been a whirlwind of emotions, fun, essay crises, new friends, deadlines, amazing food, fantastic opportunities, and a fair amount of confusion, too. 

The work is very challenging but I feel I've come along leaps and bounds even over the course of 4 essays. It seems that there's never a spare moment here, but I've learned that it's crucial to take some time out to relax, watch X Factor and do mindless tasks like laundry, just to keep yourself sane and vaguely human! This applies to people in all walks of life - whether you're at school, have a job, or are in some other circumstance, the supposed "work/life balance" needs to play a part in your routine for the sake of your wellbeing! Trust me here.

In all honesty, the amount of work and other opportunities to socialise, go to events, join societies and take part in stuff hit me like a ton of bricks at first, but I'm learning how to balance the juggling act that is Uni life, and so far, I'm coping (tired panda eyes are indeed a thing, but I've accepted them..)!!

In terms of blog writing (and YouTube channel.. remember I made videos once like a decade ago?!) I have no idea right now how much time (or energy!) I'll have, so I can't make any promises. But when exciting things happen, I'll be sure to fill you in at some stage (and maybe get that top ten under £10 post that I promised over a month ago!). I am so sorry for the lack of material on my end, but I really hope you can bear with me, and that my occasional blog posts will come as an unexpected surprise! 

I hope any of you who are at Uni are having an amazing time and learning how to live independently (leaving a pile of dirty mugs next to the sink will NOT automatically get washed by the time you next fancy a cup of tea..) - please let me know how you're finding it, I'd love to know how you're getting on!

Lots of blog love,
Jenna
:)

When I Grow Up

Hi everyone!

*Side note: I'm SO sorry that I said my next post would be a top 10 under £10 and this isn't quite that, but to explain - I've basically written that post but plan to take some nice artsy photos of all the products to add in and make it prettier, so that should be with you by the end of the week! You can't say I'm not a tease..*

So it’s just gone midnight, I’ve made myself a cup of tea and I figured it would be quite appropriate to write a spontaneous blog post for you all! Because at some point "Midnight Tea Blogs" was the name I picked...

And the theme today? In keeping with spontaneity, something that’s played on my mind today (or should I say yesterday!) has been growing up. 

ARGH those words scare me. I’m a weird kind of person. I feel like friends of mine would describe me as both wildly mature beyond my years (I’m known as the ”mum” of the group, and am the sort that says “text me when you get home so I know you’re safe” or “don’t forget your bus pass!” when they’re leaving..) and at the same time, such an excitable child at heart. To this day my heart skips a beat when I see swings in a playground or an ice cream van- and let me tell you, if you’re my age and don’t feel the same way, then you’ve done this growing up thing very wrong!! (That was a tiny bit harsh. But still, go swing for your life, my 18 year old chums!)

And this whole being stuck between two spheres of childhood and adulthood defines my life right now in more ways than one. For one part, my friends in my year have recently (all but a couple) moved off to uni to start their new lives, and I couldn’t be prouder of or happier for them!! But at the same time, this makes me feel younger than ever: I’m going to be at the University which starts the latest in the country (confirmed fact!) and this waiting period is rather daunting and isolating as I’m not sure what to expect from it all. When I was younger, I feel like I had this dreamy, idealistic view of me becoming a complete grown up with fully formed opinions and knowledge about stuff like politics, finance and literature by the time I’d finished Sixth Form when in reality.. I just resemble the same mix of thoughts, worries and craziness that I have for all my life, I’ve just learnt a couple more things along the way! I’m in no way ready to be an adult, but I guess that you don’t get to choose - that’s just the way the world works.

Don’t get me wrong, at times the thought of independent life and starting my own path, reinventing myself, making new friends and learning so much new academic content as well as life lessons fills me with excitement and makes me want to jump up and down! But I’ll admit it - there’s a lot of anxiety there too. I understand that this mixture of excitement and nerves is very normal at this time but it still feels pretty confusing to be caught up in all this adult stuff, especially as I’ve been at the same school for over 10 years and so rarely had to cope with a change of academic/social environment! It’s a huge jump, and as someone who’s still yet to immerse themselves into Uni life, the main pieces of wisdom in my mind right now are… (warning, these may resemble the points I spoke about in my “Change” post but from the growing up / Uni advice angle! There’s only so much advice I can give without repeating the same nuggets of wisdom, explained from another perspective!)

1. Growing up and change aren’t necessarily the same thing. Hear me out here - I know some people will take Uni as a chance to take on a completely different (often more outgoing, confident) persona, and like the opportunity to change identity, and while for me this is partially the case (my main aims are to worry less and live in the moment a bit more!) I feel like what’s made me who I am today, and all the wonderful friends I’ve gained along the way, has been being true to myself *wheen will my refleeeeection show who I am insiiiiiiide?* (I couldn’t resist!). I’m sorry again for the cheese - if you don’t like cheese guys, then you’re reading posts by the wrong blogger - I’m probably the cheesiest person I know! I don’t think being false or trying to go against your natural instincts gets you very far in life, and sure, some people will choose to try to magnify some qualities they love and detract from the bad habits, it’s hard to change altogether and I don’t think I’d ever want to. The people closest to me are there for a reason - it’s because I appreciate them for who they are and not some image they try to portray themselves to be. Imagine dating some famous Hollywood actor (I will allow for a brief fangirling moment here. Leo DiCaprio though ahh..) but the difference is, they’re constantly acting as their role when they're with you and never get to be their true selves. As lovely and flattering as this would initially seem, you'd see through the facade eventually and would be left with a feeling of disappointment at the deception. I am overcomplicating here, but you see my point? People will love you for being yourself, so as one of my faves, Paula, likes to say “you do you, boo, you do you” <3

2. Take it one step at a time! You don’t have to make friends with the first people you meet at school or uni (sure, please be friendly to them anyway as this may not be the case!)- there’s a time and a place for everything, so just keep breathing and keep everything in perspective. Follow a schedule, plan ahead and don’t immerse yourself in tons of societies and events that you can’t keep up with (I’m especially bad at this not overcommitting thing..) Similarly, I would advise you to try not to get caught up in the craziness that is binge drinking and losing control of yourself completely. Now this is a personal matter and you can choose to let this advice go in one ear and out the other, but personally, I don’t consider it safe or sensible to drink yourself into oblivion when you have lectures the next morning, are in an unfamiliar environment, or actually, at all. It just leads to recklessness and a lack of awareness about your actions. Here’s where I sound like a mum… anyway do with that last bit what you will, but growing up doesn’t have to mean downing shot after shot all in one night!! Slow down and enjoy the moment!

3. Don’t lose touch of the stuff that keeps you sane and reminds you of your childhood. It may be the case that for some, you’re never going back, the past is in the past, you just want to let it go (that was painfully cheesy) however there’s no shame in keeping hold of old memories, chatting to childhood friends, or just letting your hair down and doing stuff you used to love every once in a while. Whether this just means visiting a shop you loved as a kid (Disney store and Claire’s pop to mind!), going back to a park you spent time in with your friends, taking a visit to your primary school, or heck, spending the day in a onesie eating Smarties, watching The Little Mermaid, though many of you reading this may have gone through the growing up stage, you don’t have to leave everything behind you just because you’ve hit a certain age. Make time for the things that used to mean a lot to you - nostalgia can be a beautiful thing. Just make sure you remember to live in the present too - the clock will keep ticking so you’ve got to run along with it! :)

I hope this has helped you guys even a tiny bit to come to terms with growing up and adulthood - I sure as heck am no expert and still vastly consider myself to be a child! I’m considering doing a video / post on the things I miss about childhood, so leave me a comment if that sounds like something you’d be interested in!

For anyone finding the school to uni jump tricky at the moment, remember that you’re not on your own and that loads of people across the country will be feeling the same apprehension. Remember that plenty of help is available from these organisations should you feel like having a chat with someone more qualified than an 18 year old rambling blogger ;) 

See you next time!

Finding My Voice

Hi everyone! So I mentioned in my last post that I've been a bit ill recently, and to cut a long story short, I lost my voice for about 4/5 days last week! I have to say, having never been without my voice before, this was such a weird (if very frustrating) experience, which to me was rather like losing a limb, but I feel like I learnt a lot through this rather silent episode and especially as someone who's interested in linguistics and language!! So here are 5 things I've learnt about voice - appreciating it, using it wisely, and coping when you haven't got one!!

1. Your friends and family will very quickly see the funny side to it! I can't tell you the amount of times my mum's asked a question and had to stop herself and say 'oh you can't reply!' or 'tell me what's wrong? Oh dear I forgot you can't!' - don't worry, it was all in very good spirits and not to be taken to heart! If you don't know me well, you'll have had a lucky escape from my rather persistent speech (I could probably talk the hind legs off every animal in the farmyard, not just the donkey..) and so without it, there was a lot of humour to be found when I couldn't, for example, sing along (out of key..) to the songs on the radio, crack jokes or make my usual witty banterous comments! This provided much amusement to my family and friends!

2. Notepads are your saviour when you're voiceless - no joke, I carried a notepad and pen with me for the entirety of this week and had full blown 2 hour conversations in person with my friends (shoutout to Khushali and Hemali for bearing with me!) via the written word. I even had to write down my KFC and Nandos orders on paper because I couldn't explain them aloud.. Yes, shizz gets real when you need to non-verbally communicate that you'd like a wrap with halloumi and a mango quencher.. #notspon but I seriously want to thank everyone who was patient and understanding enough to stifle their giggles when I passed them notes! The guys at KFC were so sweet, I got a free bottle of water (which I didn't even ask for or initially accept) when I started coughing because they knew I'd lost my voice and was ill. Isn't that adorable??! Just goes to show that some people in this world are selfless and don't mind going the extra mile for others!

3. It's flipping frustrating! Now I only got to experience this feeling for a couple of days, but as someone who generally prides themself on being a linguist and fairly chatty, articulate person, losing my voice put me quite literally at a loss as to what to do with my day. I couldn't have heart to heart verbal phone calls with my friends at uni to see how they were settling in, or say hello, goodbye, please and thank you to waiters/bus drivers/cleaners which I usually do as an instinct. I felt so impolite and it made me sad to think that to these people, I looked like I didn't care. (Thankfully God always knows and I'm sure the good intention counts for something with Him ;)) Most interestingly of all, I'm a radio presenter at a local community station, and without stating (or miming) the obvious, I can't exactly present without a voice.. This meant I was restricted to behind the scenes producing that week (decided to go down nonetheless because radio is a big passion of mine, producing is fun and my team are so lovely!) - but to my surprise I found that even this was severely impaired by my lack of communication. Verbal communication is the fundamental basis of radio, even when you're producing (sorting out the show's order, talking to the presenters about what to say, planning ahead, briefing the team) - I was about a quarter as good a producer as I would have been with a voice, if not less. It's so hard to write notes to communicate your thoughts quick enough to keep up with a constantly buzzing show environment and when you can't raise your voice to get the team to listen, you lose authority! However I can't deny a really funny moment did arise from this - on my way home, fellow radio presenter Louis commented that the fact I could only whisper in his ear during a show freaked him out even more than if I was shouting!! This made my day as it must have been quite unnerving for him just hearing my whispered commands!

4. I never fully appreciated what I had in the first place with my voice. Deep moment, guys! It's so true that you don't know what you've got til it's gone *they paved paradise, and put up a parking lot* (if you got that reference you are very cool and I applaud you!) The use of my voice I missed most, other than general courtesies when out and about, was just having casual chats with my mum about what we're having for dinner, how my day was, exciting stories I had to tell.. It's those moments where having a voice matters most, not just when I'm presenting, or placing orders in a shop. Also it's infuriating when the phone rings and you have to contemplate whether to answer or not.. I mean it sounds rude if you answer and don't speak but is it worse not to answer at all..? For anyone reading this, I urge you to write now just speak to someone around you (I mean if you're on the tube this is best avoided.. I mean someone you know well!) about random life things, tell them how much they mean to you (again, strange bloke on the train = not the ideal target) and use your voice while you still have it! On a wider level, we are SO lucky to have freedom of speech and a democratic right to peaceful protest (something which sadly Spaniards don't have right now under new government laws :( ¡si alguien aquí habla español y quiere discutir este asunto conmigo, mándame un mensaje en el comentario!) so I urge you to go out and make the most of the fact that your opinion matters, and that you can change stuff, aided by a little (or maybe it's big.. I was never that good at Bio) voice box inside your throat! Your voice makes the difference between a country run solely by politicians and a country that you can help to change! Wow I sound like a politics speech writer.. (Shanita, that little pep talk was inspired by you for when you're PM and I'm your speech writer ;))

5. Actions speak louder than words (fed up reader: "oh for pete's sake stop with the cheesiness and the overly emotional idioms, Jenna" *slams laptop and runs away*) ok I'm sorry that I'm practically a mozzarella stick by now (yum!), but I can't count the number of times where a smile or a big hug (NOT the stranger on the train I assure you!) has transmitted my feelings more than a couple of words could. When I was catching up with an old friend, just being with her, her seeing my facial expressions and gestures, conveyed what I felt more than what I wrote in my notepad, and it's made me appreciate the power of non-verbal communication so much. In other news, I may even lean sign language one day.. watch this space!

So I hope this vaguely amused/informed some of you about my rather odd experience of life last week, and that you'll take something from it (perhaps it's just stranger danger.. Don't hug randomers on the tube: life advice!). Please understand that I in no way represent or aim to offend anyone with a permanent speech impairment or any form of disability (quite the opposite, I assure you) and this article is merely intended to entertain readers and provoke thought about the power of our opinions, voice and words! 

Sneak preview: my next post will be *drum roll* a top 10 under £10 makeup post! I love loads of drugstore / high street products so this is going to be such a fun one to write! See you then :) (unless you're a guy.. In which case, all the more reason to treat your mum/girlfriend/friend who's a girl/nan/ or even yourself!)

My World Speech

Hi everyone! First off, major apologies - I know I haven't posted on my blog for a little while now, and by way of explanation, I've been pretty ill!! I came down with some sort of virus and it put me out for almost two weeks, but the good news is I'm almost fully recovered now, and back to regular uploads :)

World Speech? What's that all about? Well recently I googled "deep life questions" (I was in a very philosophical mood everyone, don't judge!) and I came up with a page of amazing questions on a site called https://blog.udemy.com/thought-provoking-questions/ - so what better way to spend my time whilst ill than talking to my lovely friend Shanita about a couple of them! 

One of the questions that most sticks in my mind from the discussion we had is "If you could send a message to the entire world, what would you say in 30 seconds?".

In response, I typed out some spontaneous thoughts and came out with the following "speech" - and I realise that it's quite generic and more aspirational than practical. Anyway, here goes:

"Love yourself, love each other, find peace with each other because war only ever leads to pain and destruction. Find a way to solve your disputes and realise the important stuff to you before it's too late. Live in the moment, and be grateful for all you have. Help others as much as you can - you never know when you may need help back."

Now I've timed this and it's only about 20 seconds... I never was any good at estimation!

So what would you all want to tell the world, if given under 30 seconds? I'd love to hear your responses! 

Massive thanks to Shanita for listening to my late night philosophical rambles and not completely dismissing my nonsense!!

Guilt, Judgement and Running the Life Marathon

I recently spent a couple of days with some lovely folks from the Christian Union at my University, which has led me to a bunch of pretty life-changing realisations!! Even if you're not at all religious, I feel that we all have something to learn from these musings on judgement, both self-judgement and judging others, and the horrible burden of guilt, which I think should be left in the past, though not entirely forgotten.

1. Guilt: Focus on being a good person rather than self-condemnation. This really is the key to a positive mental attitude! One of the lines I heard during the residential was to "leave all sense of condemnation at the door", which is such a liberating experience and allows us to live in the moment, unaffected by feelings of shortcoming and regret. Believe me when I say that every single person on the earth has at some stage sinned, or done something they probably shouldn't have done, but focusing on the past, other than recognising that we are not perfect individuals, and what you can learn from mistakes, has no benefit whatsoever. If we live our lives with guilt in the back of our minds, our judgement is clouded, and we are almost rendered blind to all the awesome stuff we have done and could do. It's always the way that we remember one tiny, niggling regret rather than the other 100 acts of kindness we might have done in the past; it's just human nature to dwell on our flaws rather than our talents and capabilities. 

But here's the difference between condemnation and growth: the people who focus on what they can learn and develop from their sins and guilt get much further in life, and have a much happier time of things, than those who continue to feel a sense of regret and dissatisfaction. It's so so hard: I know this feeling all too well myself, whether it be remembering some exam grades that may not have been my shining hour, to times where I've made mistakes in friendships, been quick to anger etc.  (which let's face it, everyone else has probably forgotten and I'm the only one beating myself up about them!!). If you're struggling with this step, I encourage you to remember that, if you do have a faith, which I do, I believe that God is always merciful and forgiving. Once you come to terms with the fact that your mistakes are forgiven, since we are all imperfect and journeying through our own paths and obstacles,though you may never forget them, you'll feel a weight lifted off your shoulders! *cue Idina Menzel's Let It Go*

2. Judgement: Now that you've come to terms with personal weaknesses and flaws, and accepted them for what they are (learning experiences), learn to accept others in the same way. We all tend to judge people, if subconsciously, whom we haven't met, and often we don't even realise the stereotypes we may have of different groups of people. What good does it do anyone to have negative perceptions of others? Though it's much harder to live life through this lense, I think it's so helpful to treat everyone you meet as someone you can learn something from, whether that leads you closer to or further away from them, whether they become a future best friend or a distant acquaintance. Similarly, speaking about others in a negative light behind their backs is something we all know is best avoided. Why? Well other than the fact that this gossip could possibly lead back to them (oops), we have only seen a fragment of their lives, and it's unfair to judge anyone on a small segment of their behaviour (think of swans who are frantically paddling underwater, but to the outside world appear as happy as Larry!). Even if we feel we know the person very well, chances are that there's a reason why they are being particularly sulky, moody, or perhaps ignoring your messages. So tolerance, I guess, is the second step, as well as approaching new people with an open mind, something that it especially vital around the time of going to university, or making a fresh start.

3. Running the Life Marathon: Don't lose heart when you experience disappointments or when something goes wrong. This is the main message that has stuck in my mind from the Pastor's talks over the past few days (Andy Robinson, lovely guy!) - that endurance, and maintaining hope, can outweigh everything else. We all learn to develop a "thicker skin" having faced troubles, but we all need to be reminded sometimes that everything we experience, all the pain and suffering we may undergo, is only temporary and will
pass: so get back up and complete the marathon! For those of us who believe in afterlife, we may look to eternal happiness and joy to put things into perspective, when we cannot help but be overwhelmed by our problems. Something that could be beneficial to all of us, whether religious or not, is finding a few things that keep us sane, on the straight and narrow, and pick us back up when we feel guilty or burdened with stress. I'll list some examples that spring to mind: family, friends, music, food (especially of the chocolate variety, but only in moderation! Please don't use this blog as an excuse to binge eat, I'm merely recommending it as a pick-me-up!!), going on walks, doing a dance class, watching a Rom Com (Pau Pau, that one's for you, b ;)), painting your nails, having a de-clutter, writing a diary, reading a book, or, my personal favourite, tea. I'm one of those Brits who believe that a cup of tea and a chat with a friend can get you through pretty much everything (try it and let me know if it works!!). 

Now and then we need to be reminded of the support and love of our family and friends, so if you're struggling with self-judgement and feeling beaten down by things going wrong, that's exactly what
these circles are there to provide. Find a couple of people who never fail to make you realise when the wallowing and self-pity gets too much (a week of "Netflix, (pizza) and chill" after a relationship break up may not be the healthiest way to handle it), but who, on the flip side, warn you when you've taken on too much work, or have lost the work/life balance in the midst of essay crises (love that word. Crises.) These people really are the best, and I want to thank those of you in my life (you know who you are, my fab friends!) for the countless times they've put it all into perspective for me. Much love and virtual tea to you guys!!

I really hope this could be of some benefit to you all - even if only one of these pointers has rung true, it could make all the difference to living your life with one less burden, and a more positive attitude.

Have a lovely week and speak to you (virtually!) soon :)

Remember to leave a comment if this has helped you, I'd fall off my chair with joy if you did. No really, it's true!! 

Facing Your Fears

Hi everyone! So my latest post was inspired by a recent trip to the GP...

...to put it mildly, I'd describe myself as having a fear of needles. Now this is all well and good until it comes to the time when I need pre-university vaccinations, blood tests and all that kind of horrible stuff. So I've compiled a list of my tips for coping with your fears, be they big or small (such as a fear of custard, mud or perhaps tomato ketchup Iman!!). Please do note that I'm in no way a psychology or health expert (if you find these fears too overwhelming, don't hesitate to contact a professional!), these are just little things that help get me through those butterfly in stomach/shaking like a leaf moments in doctors waiting rooms!!

1. Try to put the fear into perspective, or rationalise whatever you're scared of. We've heard the age old phrase about insects - 'they're more afraid of you than you are of them' (debatable when you're staring a near enough tarantula sized beast in the face and are convinced that its mission is to eat you alive..) but really, it's true! In the grand scheme of things, one little needle in my arm isn't going to cause the world's end, and besides, it will be over in under a minute, leaving the rest of the day to enjoy life and forget all about it! Try to realise how small some phobias are when compared to more pressing matters in life. I'm not saying you shouldn't have these fears at all - it's perfectly normal and though some deny it, we are all scared of something, but it can help so much to think about things in perspective.

2. Music works wonders! Especially when faced with something such as a blood test, distraction and finding alternative focused is key. Personally I opt for some Ed Sheeran whilst at the doctors (calming, easy on the ears and an amazing voice! Though steer clear of Bloodstream if faced in that circumstance..) but try whatever helps to calm you down or put you in your happy place. Alternatively you may prefer to just talk to the nurse, or have a chat with a friend on the phone, for example, if you're scared of being on a crowded bus or alone on a train. It really is all in your mind, and often worries are magnified through a lack of alternative thoughts. Reciting song lyrics is also a fantastic solution as it means you have to completely concentrate on random words other than whatever you're having to go through. But perhaps keep this to silent, in your head reciting whilst on public transport...  Belting out Eminem lyrics on the tube mid-rush hour is rarely going to go down well!

3. Treat yourself after overcoming small hurdles! Now I'm not saying it's worth throwing a party every time you manage to successfully cross a road, but remember the amount of times, as a child, that your parents would give you little rewards for good behaviour or progress? Cleaning charts and gold star stickers aside, perhaps an ice cream or lunch out with a friend is the perfect way to end a day filled with a particular fear, if nothing else to cheer you up and put a smile back on your face :) this will also give you something to look forward to when faced with your scarf scenario!

4. See the humorous side of things, if at all possible! Funny story, while the nurse was trying to search for a vein the other day, unsuccessfully, she commented 'it must have seen me and ran away!!' - at the time, I found this hilarious, and it really relieved the tension and fear I was feeling. Maybe you're scared of seeing gory scenes in Casualty on TV but like to poke fun at the resemblance between fake blood and ketchup! (Sorry Iman this is probably not helping that sauceophobia..). Maybe when taking out a spider in the house, you can sigh and realise what a shame it is that this particular legged insect will most likely never feature in a David Attenborough documentary. This ties in with distractions, but is more specific: enjoying life's funny moments provides release and having studied comedy in my English course, I can confirm that laughter is in fact the best medicine.

So those were my 4 little ideas about overcoming your fears, one step at a time. Remember that something like this won't go away overnight, but over time, with some encouragement, you can grow and be proud of how far you've come in learning to be comfortable with what once used to scare you!

Hope this helps and see you in the next one :)

Jenna

Fear of Failure vs Striving for Success

Having recently finished my time at school, on reflection, I think it’s fair to say that some our motivation to study isn’t merely due to an desire to excel or succeed in our field; it’s due to the pressure to avoid “failing”: that could be falling below our predictions or not being able to progress to the next rung of the academic ladder. Motivations obviously vary from person to person, and I’m happy to say that in recent times, I’ve made a conscious effort to try and become a “striver” rather than a “fearer” (sorry, it's evident my grasp on English grammar has suffered over the holiday..), though as a natural worrier I find the anxiety surrounding failure creeps in nonetheless! 

This talk of “failure” all seems to link back in with my post about comparing yourself to others (as I feel so many of our stresses in life do!) – after all, aren’t standards of “passing” and “failure” regarding GCSEs and A Levels all based around how everyone performs relative to each other in the country (don’t quote me on that. I’m no expert on how the system works!)? It seems to me that personal goals and dreams have slipped into second place, behind the pressure to keep our heads above water and avoid doing “badly” (the term itself is pretty much relative to every individual). There’s a big difference in my mind between the two mindsets of FOF and SFS (excuse the invented abbreviations there..), and it can be so detrimental to a person when their sole focus is being driven by fear (this is probably backed up by science!).

Yes, of course there’s adrenaline which kicks in when we feel nervous, and I don’t deny that a certain amount of pressure is most definitely necessary to give us all a kick up the backside academically! 

It saddens me to think that some people (including myself, many a time) may feel more relief than excitement when they succeed, purely due to the strain they’ve felt to avoid, for example, their parents’ disapproval, or a feeling of low self-esteem, that is perhaps attached with achieving lower grades than desired.

It’s all becoming a system of points, letters, grade boundaries, and jumping through hoops, as opposed to saying to yourself “I’m just going to achieve the best that I can, without comparing my goals with anyone else’s, or other people’s expectations of me”. It’s the drive to have, say, a university degree or a high flying career, because it’s what everyone else seems to be doing, and hence you may feel like a “failure” compared to others if you choose to take the path less wandered, which to you may actually seem like a successful, happy one. 

Taking a step back from the “versus” battle between these two perspectives of FOF and SFS to throw a new concept into the mix: why are we so scared of failure in the first place? This is a very difficult and personal question, but I'd say it’s generally because we seem to aim for a life without mistakes, embarrassing moments or slip ups, because of how people may judge us, or maybe because everything we do wrong may stick in our minds and eat us up, leading us to view ourselves as bad people. Far from it! How else can we learn but through these flaws? Fearing failure in the first place, though a seemingly natural and common instinct, doesn’t make much sense when you consider that we actually learn 10 times (if not 100 times) more from failures than successes. Taking the example of Disney films, (specifically Lilo and Stitch, one of my all time favourites!) Stitch's growth comes precisely from the fact that he begins as a flawed character who wreaks havoc and ruins Noni's job prospects: if this hadn't have happened, his change in character and adoption into the family at the end would have much less gravitas!! I guess that all you truly learn from a success is that you worked hard and most likely are also fairly talented at a particular topic, and as fantastic as this is (of course I do promote success, it’s amazing!!) this learning curve isn’t nearly as rewarding as being set back, picking yourself up and learning what you did wrong (or in the case of mistakes that later reveal themselves as blessings in disguise, what you did right!)!

So I guess the conclusion to this ramble is that the ideal is to aim for success in its own right, not relative to “not failing”, but at the same time, it’s not the end of the world if your path takes an unexpected turn, which at the time might seem devastating. Fearing what’s to come, and letting that worry take over your mindset is a waste of time and energy that you could actively be using to pursue success! Think about what it is that you really enjoy, or a goal you’d really love to achieve. Don’t focus on the system itself and let the grading system dictate your feeling of self-worth – think of your passions and what inspires you! Be a striver! 

:)

P.S. Quick disclaimer: This isn't my complete view on the British education system. Overall, I've loved my education and don't regret the path I've chosen! This is just an issue I felt like discussing as it's quite current in my life, but this is no reflection on how the entire system works. No offence is intended with any of my posts and I hope this is apparent! Thanks :)