Fear of Failure vs Striving for Success

Having recently finished my time at school, on reflection, I think it’s fair to say that some our motivation to study isn’t merely due to an desire to excel or succeed in our field; it’s due to the pressure to avoid “failing”: that could be falling below our predictions or not being able to progress to the next rung of the academic ladder. Motivations obviously vary from person to person, and I’m happy to say that in recent times, I’ve made a conscious effort to try and become a “striver” rather than a “fearer” (sorry, it's evident my grasp on English grammar has suffered over the holiday..), though as a natural worrier I find the anxiety surrounding failure creeps in nonetheless! 

This talk of “failure” all seems to link back in with my post about comparing yourself to others (as I feel so many of our stresses in life do!) – after all, aren’t standards of “passing” and “failure” regarding GCSEs and A Levels all based around how everyone performs relative to each other in the country (don’t quote me on that. I’m no expert on how the system works!)? It seems to me that personal goals and dreams have slipped into second place, behind the pressure to keep our heads above water and avoid doing “badly” (the term itself is pretty much relative to every individual). There’s a big difference in my mind between the two mindsets of FOF and SFS (excuse the invented abbreviations there..), and it can be so detrimental to a person when their sole focus is being driven by fear (this is probably backed up by science!).

Yes, of course there’s adrenaline which kicks in when we feel nervous, and I don’t deny that a certain amount of pressure is most definitely necessary to give us all a kick up the backside academically! 

It saddens me to think that some people (including myself, many a time) may feel more relief than excitement when they succeed, purely due to the strain they’ve felt to avoid, for example, their parents’ disapproval, or a feeling of low self-esteem, that is perhaps attached with achieving lower grades than desired.

It’s all becoming a system of points, letters, grade boundaries, and jumping through hoops, as opposed to saying to yourself “I’m just going to achieve the best that I can, without comparing my goals with anyone else’s, or other people’s expectations of me”. It’s the drive to have, say, a university degree or a high flying career, because it’s what everyone else seems to be doing, and hence you may feel like a “failure” compared to others if you choose to take the path less wandered, which to you may actually seem like a successful, happy one. 

Taking a step back from the “versus” battle between these two perspectives of FOF and SFS to throw a new concept into the mix: why are we so scared of failure in the first place? This is a very difficult and personal question, but I'd say it’s generally because we seem to aim for a life without mistakes, embarrassing moments or slip ups, because of how people may judge us, or maybe because everything we do wrong may stick in our minds and eat us up, leading us to view ourselves as bad people. Far from it! How else can we learn but through these flaws? Fearing failure in the first place, though a seemingly natural and common instinct, doesn’t make much sense when you consider that we actually learn 10 times (if not 100 times) more from failures than successes. Taking the example of Disney films, (specifically Lilo and Stitch, one of my all time favourites!) Stitch's growth comes precisely from the fact that he begins as a flawed character who wreaks havoc and ruins Noni's job prospects: if this hadn't have happened, his change in character and adoption into the family at the end would have much less gravitas!! I guess that all you truly learn from a success is that you worked hard and most likely are also fairly talented at a particular topic, and as fantastic as this is (of course I do promote success, it’s amazing!!) this learning curve isn’t nearly as rewarding as being set back, picking yourself up and learning what you did wrong (or in the case of mistakes that later reveal themselves as blessings in disguise, what you did right!)!

So I guess the conclusion to this ramble is that the ideal is to aim for success in its own right, not relative to “not failing”, but at the same time, it’s not the end of the world if your path takes an unexpected turn, which at the time might seem devastating. Fearing what’s to come, and letting that worry take over your mindset is a waste of time and energy that you could actively be using to pursue success! Think about what it is that you really enjoy, or a goal you’d really love to achieve. Don’t focus on the system itself and let the grading system dictate your feeling of self-worth – think of your passions and what inspires you! Be a striver! 

:)

P.S. Quick disclaimer: This isn't my complete view on the British education system. Overall, I've loved my education and don't regret the path I've chosen! This is just an issue I felt like discussing as it's quite current in my life, but this is no reflection on how the entire system works. No offence is intended with any of my posts and I hope this is apparent! Thanks :)