Guilt, Judgement and Running the Life Marathon

I recently spent a couple of days with some lovely folks from the Christian Union at my University, which has led me to a bunch of pretty life-changing realisations!! Even if you're not at all religious, I feel that we all have something to learn from these musings on judgement, both self-judgement and judging others, and the horrible burden of guilt, which I think should be left in the past, though not entirely forgotten.

1. Guilt: Focus on being a good person rather than self-condemnation. This really is the key to a positive mental attitude! One of the lines I heard during the residential was to "leave all sense of condemnation at the door", which is such a liberating experience and allows us to live in the moment, unaffected by feelings of shortcoming and regret. Believe me when I say that every single person on the earth has at some stage sinned, or done something they probably shouldn't have done, but focusing on the past, other than recognising that we are not perfect individuals, and what you can learn from mistakes, has no benefit whatsoever. If we live our lives with guilt in the back of our minds, our judgement is clouded, and we are almost rendered blind to all the awesome stuff we have done and could do. It's always the way that we remember one tiny, niggling regret rather than the other 100 acts of kindness we might have done in the past; it's just human nature to dwell on our flaws rather than our talents and capabilities. 

But here's the difference between condemnation and growth: the people who focus on what they can learn and develop from their sins and guilt get much further in life, and have a much happier time of things, than those who continue to feel a sense of regret and dissatisfaction. It's so so hard: I know this feeling all too well myself, whether it be remembering some exam grades that may not have been my shining hour, to times where I've made mistakes in friendships, been quick to anger etc.  (which let's face it, everyone else has probably forgotten and I'm the only one beating myself up about them!!). If you're struggling with this step, I encourage you to remember that, if you do have a faith, which I do, I believe that God is always merciful and forgiving. Once you come to terms with the fact that your mistakes are forgiven, since we are all imperfect and journeying through our own paths and obstacles,though you may never forget them, you'll feel a weight lifted off your shoulders! *cue Idina Menzel's Let It Go*

2. Judgement: Now that you've come to terms with personal weaknesses and flaws, and accepted them for what they are (learning experiences), learn to accept others in the same way. We all tend to judge people, if subconsciously, whom we haven't met, and often we don't even realise the stereotypes we may have of different groups of people. What good does it do anyone to have negative perceptions of others? Though it's much harder to live life through this lense, I think it's so helpful to treat everyone you meet as someone you can learn something from, whether that leads you closer to or further away from them, whether they become a future best friend or a distant acquaintance. Similarly, speaking about others in a negative light behind their backs is something we all know is best avoided. Why? Well other than the fact that this gossip could possibly lead back to them (oops), we have only seen a fragment of their lives, and it's unfair to judge anyone on a small segment of their behaviour (think of swans who are frantically paddling underwater, but to the outside world appear as happy as Larry!). Even if we feel we know the person very well, chances are that there's a reason why they are being particularly sulky, moody, or perhaps ignoring your messages. So tolerance, I guess, is the second step, as well as approaching new people with an open mind, something that it especially vital around the time of going to university, or making a fresh start.

3. Running the Life Marathon: Don't lose heart when you experience disappointments or when something goes wrong. This is the main message that has stuck in my mind from the Pastor's talks over the past few days (Andy Robinson, lovely guy!) - that endurance, and maintaining hope, can outweigh everything else. We all learn to develop a "thicker skin" having faced troubles, but we all need to be reminded sometimes that everything we experience, all the pain and suffering we may undergo, is only temporary and will
pass: so get back up and complete the marathon! For those of us who believe in afterlife, we may look to eternal happiness and joy to put things into perspective, when we cannot help but be overwhelmed by our problems. Something that could be beneficial to all of us, whether religious or not, is finding a few things that keep us sane, on the straight and narrow, and pick us back up when we feel guilty or burdened with stress. I'll list some examples that spring to mind: family, friends, music, food (especially of the chocolate variety, but only in moderation! Please don't use this blog as an excuse to binge eat, I'm merely recommending it as a pick-me-up!!), going on walks, doing a dance class, watching a Rom Com (Pau Pau, that one's for you, b ;)), painting your nails, having a de-clutter, writing a diary, reading a book, or, my personal favourite, tea. I'm one of those Brits who believe that a cup of tea and a chat with a friend can get you through pretty much everything (try it and let me know if it works!!). 

Now and then we need to be reminded of the support and love of our family and friends, so if you're struggling with self-judgement and feeling beaten down by things going wrong, that's exactly what
these circles are there to provide. Find a couple of people who never fail to make you realise when the wallowing and self-pity gets too much (a week of "Netflix, (pizza) and chill" after a relationship break up may not be the healthiest way to handle it), but who, on the flip side, warn you when you've taken on too much work, or have lost the work/life balance in the midst of essay crises (love that word. Crises.) These people really are the best, and I want to thank those of you in my life (you know who you are, my fab friends!) for the countless times they've put it all into perspective for me. Much love and virtual tea to you guys!!

I really hope this could be of some benefit to you all - even if only one of these pointers has rung true, it could make all the difference to living your life with one less burden, and a more positive attitude.

Have a lovely week and speak to you (virtually!) soon :)

Remember to leave a comment if this has helped you, I'd fall off my chair with joy if you did. No really, it's true!!