Hello everyone! *A new post?! From, potentially, the least active blogger on the planet?! I know, who'd have thought it.*
So after a really intense, fun and (mostly..) work filled first term at uni, I know as well as the next person that everything can get overwhelming, and make you lose sight of goals / perspective / reality / sanity / happiness / the list goes on. I can be awful at time management, motivation and I often procrastinate - I'll hold my hands up, it's difficult to just sit down and get *in the zone*, and this can lead to work build up, feelings of sadness and a loss of hope. I've been through it, I know how it feels! But recently things have been taking a turn for the better.
I'd been putting off a post of this sort for quite a while, and I've only just realised (after having a chat with my lovely friend Paula, without whom I'd never have started this blog!) why I was so tentative. It's because I really don't think I've nailed this *positivity* lark. Who am I to offer advice on something I don't even know how to manage myself yet?
But here's something I've learned. There's never going to be a right time. To make a fresh start, to advise someone, make an important phone call, start an essay, open up a book, meet a friend... *shameless plug: my first post "Why are we waiting?" is basically this*. You just have to take that initial leap. I'm primarily going to give advice based on my new approach to work and academics, but thinking about it, this is applicable to most kind of life-struggle.
Think of it as a hug and a biscuit, as well as a nudge in the right direction, in a blog post!
1. You're not on your own. It's so easy to get so boxed in, whilst in the middle of a deadline, sitting in your room or the library, thinking that nobody else is struggling, that you're the only one working, or even that there's nobody you can talk to. There is always somebody to talk to. Sometimes the most uplifting experience is just taking a step back, speaking to someone external to your environment (so maybe who doesn't go to your university or school, work at the same company, or even belong to your friendship group). And it doesn't have to be a counsellor or therapist if you don't want it to be. Just let your feelings out, and I can guarantee you that other people you speak to will be feeling the same way. Make sure you don't get yourself so entangled in your own little bubble of thoughts and fears that you lose sight of the bigger picture. If there's a specific topic you struggle with (*cough cough* friends of mine will have heard about my first-term difficulties with a certain new field of study!) it may help to have a quick chat to see if there's something vital that you're missing. Sometimes hearing someone else's take on an issue can help you to visualise things in another way which leads everything to click in your mind. It's worth a shot! And if you're studying and really cannot understand a concept, no matter how much help from friends (or Google!) that you seek, don't shy away from contacting your teachers or tutors. They're there to help you!
2. Don't compare yourself to others. Just don't! (Put a "don't go compare" sign on your wall and sing the annoying TV ad in your head... Gosh I'm insane.) Now this is something I've struggled with, for years now. I never used to think of myself as a competitive person (certainly not with sport, I'm useless and just give up!) but lately I'm starting to think there's a streak in me that's constantly, subconsciously, trying to pit myself up against other people to validate, or confirm, how I'm doing. This is not a good way to live your life!!! Though it may seem like a natural instinct, it does so much more harm than good. For one thing, so many people struggle in silence (not taking advantage of point number 1, as you will now be aware ;) ) and so to everyone else, it seems like they're doing so well: there's always that one person who seems to maintain a flawless appearance, great friendship circle, fantastic grades, go to the gym, eat healthily, offer you advice, and generally have a sense of calm and composure, 24/7. I guarantee you that this is a facade. No such person exists. And you will never completely have everything together in your life. And that's okay! It's all about managing as best as you can. I find myself comparing the level of work I'm doing with people in completely different academic disciplines: how come I spend so much longer reading up for a weekly essay than some scientists will take on a problem?! Maybe the expression I'm looking for here is "each to their own", or an equivalent Paula taught me from this *urban teenage lingo* that I seem to have missed, "you do you, boo, you do you". I recently had a chat with the Chaplain at my college (one of the kindest and most level-headed people I know, she's ace) and she offered me a spiritual question here: "does God compare you to anyone else?". No, He doesn't: He looks at each individual for their qualities, their unique path in life and their speed of growth. Whether you're religious or not, this question can have great significance if you word it, perhaps, "why do other people's performance matter to me?". "Never compare your beginning to someone else's middle, or your middle to someone else's end". I reckon the only person you can *hesitates* compare yourself to, is other versions of yourself. It's such an accomplishment to see how far you've matured, whether socially, personally, spiritually or academically, and how, through just focussing on your own progress, you can become a much more positive person. Safety warning: don't be too hard on yourself though *why hello, Jess Glynne*. Nobody can be a "perfect" version of themselves!
3. Bit by bit, day by day, you will get through this. This speaks for itself, I think. But it's fundamental! My outlook has changed, over the course of 24 hours, from "how am I ever going to manage this 500 page novel, X number of essays, X amount of vocabulary words...?". The trick is, you're never going to have to tackle all this in a single day. Break it down, and you'll find yourself in a more positive mindset. If you're really struggling to motivate yourself, just a small task is the key to setting off a positive chain. In the morning, set yourself a list of tiny goals, like getting ready, opening up your books, and gradually, if you see life as a series of achievable hurdles, you're going to be so much more positive. Calm yourself down if you end up overwhelmed with deadlines. You can do it, just one task at a time. The first step is definitely the hardest to take, but you'll be so glad you did!
Thank you so so much for reading this far. I really appreciate every one of you :) I'd love it if you left me some comments with any tips you might have about positivity, or any quotes / strategies you find useful. And blog post ideas are most welcome!
I've left some links if you would like to chat about how you're feeling with someone (step number 1) - as I cannot claim to have any experience in this field, nor offer very professional advice. I hope these are helpful.
http://www.samaritans.org
http://www.self-help.org.uk
http://www.mind.org.uk
Jenna
xx
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