How to Stay Positive..?

Hello everyone! *A new post?! From, potentially, the least active blogger on the planet?! I know, who'd have thought it.*

So after a really intense, fun and (mostly..) work filled first term at uni, I know as well as the next person that everything can get overwhelming, and make you lose sight of goals / perspective / reality / sanity / happiness / the list goes on. I can be awful at time management, motivation and I often procrastinate - I'll hold my hands up, it's difficult to just sit down and get *in the zone*, and this can lead to work build up, feelings of sadness and a loss of hope. I've been through it, I know how it feels! But recently things have been taking a turn for the better.

I'd been putting off a post of this sort for quite a while, and I've only just realised (after having a chat with my lovely friend Paula, without whom I'd never have started this blog!) why I was so tentative. It's because I really don't think I've nailed this *positivity* lark. Who am I to offer advice on something I don't even know how to manage myself yet? 

But here's something I've learned. There's never going to be a right time. To make a fresh start, to advise someone, make an important phone call, start an essay, open up a book, meet a friend... *shameless plug: my first post "Why are we waiting?" is basically this*. You just have to take that initial leap. I'm primarily going to give advice based on my new approach to work and academics, but thinking about it, this is applicable to most kind of life-struggle. 

Think of it as a hug and a biscuit, as well as a nudge in the right direction, in a blog post!

1. You're not on your own. It's so easy to get so boxed in, whilst in the middle of a deadline, sitting in your room or the library, thinking that nobody else is struggling, that you're the only one working, or even that there's nobody you can talk to. There is always somebody to talk to. Sometimes the most uplifting experience is just taking a step back, speaking to someone external to your environment (so maybe who doesn't go to your university or school, work at the same company, or even belong to your friendship group). And it doesn't have to be a counsellor or therapist if you don't want it to be. Just let your feelings out, and I can guarantee you that other people you speak to will be feeling the same way. Make sure you don't get yourself so entangled in your own little bubble of thoughts and fears that you lose sight of the bigger picture. If there's a specific topic you struggle with (*cough cough* friends of mine will have heard about my first-term difficulties with a certain new field of study!) it may help to have a quick chat to see if there's something vital that you're missing. Sometimes hearing someone else's take on an issue can help you to visualise things in another way which leads everything to click in your mind. It's worth a shot! And if you're studying and really cannot understand a concept, no matter how much help from friends (or Google!) that you seek, don't shy away from contacting your teachers or tutors. They're there to help you!  

2. Don't compare yourself to others. Just don't! (Put a "don't go compare" sign on your wall and sing the annoying TV ad in your head... Gosh I'm insane.) Now this is something I've struggled with, for years now. I never used to think of myself as a competitive person (certainly not with sport, I'm useless and just give up!) but lately I'm starting to think there's a streak in me that's constantly, subconsciously, trying to pit myself up against other people to validate, or confirm, how I'm doing. This is not a good way to live your life!!! Though it may seem like a natural instinct, it does so much more harm than good. For one thing, so many people struggle in silence (not taking advantage of point number 1, as you will now be aware ;) ) and so to everyone else, it seems like they're doing so well: there's always that one person who seems to maintain a flawless appearance, great friendship circle, fantastic grades, go to the gym, eat healthily, offer you advice, and generally have a sense of calm and composure, 24/7. I guarantee you that this is a facade. No such person exists. And you will never completely have everything together in your life. And that's okay! It's all about managing as best as you can. I find myself comparing the level of work I'm doing with people in completely different academic disciplines: how come I spend so much longer reading up for a weekly essay than some scientists will take on a problem?! Maybe the expression I'm looking for here is "each to their own", or an equivalent Paula taught me from this *urban teenage lingo* that I seem to have missed, "you do you, boo, you do you". I recently had a chat with the Chaplain at my college (one of the kindest and most level-headed people I know, she's ace) and she offered me a spiritual question here: "does God compare you to anyone else?". No, He doesn't: He looks at each individual for their qualities, their unique path in life and their speed of growth. Whether you're religious or not, this question can have great significance if you word it, perhaps, "why do other people's performance matter to me?". "Never compare your beginning to someone else's middle, or your middle to someone else's end". I reckon the only person you can *hesitates* compare yourself to, is other versions of yourself. It's such an accomplishment to see how far you've matured, whether socially, personally, spiritually or academically, and how, through just focussing on your own progress, you can become a much more positive person. Safety warning: don't be too hard on yourself though *why hello, Jess Glynne*. Nobody can be a "perfect" version of themselves! 

3. Bit by bit, day by day, you will get through this. This speaks for itself, I think. But it's fundamental! My outlook has changed, over the course of 24 hours, from "how am I ever going to manage this 500 page novel, X number of essays, X amount of vocabulary words...?". The trick is, you're never going to have to tackle all this in a single day. Break it down, and you'll find yourself in a more positive mindset. If you're really struggling to motivate yourself, just a small task is the key to setting off a positive chain. In the morning, set yourself a list of tiny goals, like getting ready, opening up your books, and gradually, if you see life as a series of achievable hurdles, you're going to be so much more positive. Calm yourself down if you end up overwhelmed with deadlines. You can do it, just one task at a time. The first step is definitely the hardest to take, but you'll be so glad you did! 

Thank you so so much for reading this far. I really appreciate every one of you :) I'd love it if you left me some comments with any tips you might have about positivity, or any quotes / strategies you find useful. And blog post ideas are most welcome!

I've left some links if you would like to chat about how you're feeling with someone (step number 1) - as I cannot claim to have any experience in this field, nor offer very professional advice. I hope these are helpful.

http://www.samaritans.org

http://www.self-help.org.uk

http://www.mind.org.uk

Jenna

xx

How to survive Freshers Week!

Hi everyone!! Another massive apology for the lack of posts but deadlines kind of took over my life over the past month, to the extent that getting enough sleep, and having a work/life balance was a struggle! All is well, worry not, I am now back home and loving life!! I hope you enjoy this post about how I got through Freshers Week :)

1. Get yourself organised: Make a list of all the compulsory talks, tours, registration events you have to attend, and prioritise them over everything else. If you get yourself ahead of the game, by pencilling in all your deadlines, contact hours and extracurriculars from week 1, your future self will love you for it. A couple of ideas I've seen that tend to work well include getting a calendar on your pin board, using a planner app, a physical diary, post it's, to-do lists... the possibilities are endless! Don't forget to take a look at things like Freshers Fair, introductory fun activities and stuff that the Student Union might be putting on to give you a fab start to Uni life! And as tempting as it will be in an unfamiliar environment, try not to stay holed up in your room on Skype to family and friends from home - there'll be far more to catch up on after diving into Uni life, and you'll feel so much less homesick once you've settled in with a new group of friends, believe me. Of course it's really vital to stay in touch, so dropping them texts and selfies as well as a couple of phone calls is a great way to keep them in the loop. On the whole, this is the week (or two weeks for some of you lucky lucky freshers.. guess who only really got 3 days off work and is incredibly resentful..?) where you can forget the fact that you're at Uni to study and immerse yourself in social activities! Ah, for another go at Freshers Week! 

2. Realise that you can't do everything: Going out every night might seem really attractive at the start, but you WILL get worn out! Take it from me - pick a few activities that you think you'll enjoy and ensure you get enough rest, even sitting around in the common room and chatting to other freshers is a great way to get to know people, you don't have to spend every minute out clubbing or trying out societies. Our college put on loads of alternatives to drinking events, meaning you could afford to have a couple of movie/games nights in and relax rather than go wild all the time. Pace yourself, you have the whole 3/4/ years to experience a variety of new things, not just this one week! Do as much as you can without exhausting yourself. *Oh and on a side note - if you've just come back from a night out and have been drinking, a couple of glasses of water before you go to bed will work wonders for your system!! And don't forget to set an alarm.. I definitely haven't made that mistake..*

3. Be yourself and others will flock to you: The most reassuring sight when you're looking around the dining hall for someone, anyone to sit with, is a smiley face and a free seat - if you make the extra effort to come across as friendly, you'll be instantly rewarded. But this doesn't mean putting on a front - I don't advise making anything up as by the end of term, you'll really regret telling other freshers that you did 7 A levels and auditioned for the X Factor last year.. there's just no point! Your current friends are with you because of who you are, and don't have any doubt that your future Uni friends will be just the same - I speak from experience, having made a bunch of amazing friends in my first term who I can be completely myself around, unapologetic and crazy! *shoutout to my lovely Maths duo, sassy sheepies and the Lincoln freshers who all made me feel so welcome*

I'm considering compiling these tips, along with a couple of funny anecdotes, into a Freshers Week video for my YouTube channel - please leave me a comment if you'd like to see it! 

Enjoy the Christmas holidays ("vacations" for fellow Oxonians.. there's never a holiday from work!) and thanks for reading!

Jenna
xx