Self Care Tips

Hi everyone! It's so good to be back and blogging again - hopefully I'll be able to commit to some sort of consistent blog soon, but I can't promise anything (On Demand TV, sunbathing whilst this 3-day heatwave lasts and copious amounts of sleep are serious pulls on my time at the moment.. I know, I'm awful, sorry!).


But I have some good news! For some of you who might not know, I've become one of the Welfare Officers at my college (woo Lincoln!!) at Oxford University, which is so exciting for me as I really like being able to help people out when they need a hand, give advice, and provide a listening ear; these are basically the main demands of the role. I cannot wait to get started with the job next October, and hope that any Lincolnites reading this are eagerly awaiting more Welfare Teas and self care activities! So in celebration of welfare, summer and of course, all of you lovely people reading my blog, I thought I'd compile a couple of "self care" tips for you to try!

The idea of self-care, in my mind, is about allowing yourself to make mistakes, have some me-time, and, importantly, not beat yourself up about things that happened in the past - not saying "what if", regretting decisions and feeling negative about yourself. This is really such a crucial part of improving self esteem, confidence and body image, and if I could wish everyone reading this to be a bit kinder to themselves, the world would be a much better place! Obviously this isn't easy, and we can't be wallowing in comfort food and cat videos on YouTube 24/7 (totally not what I've been doing this summer...) but incorporating a couple of things to do every day to make yourself feel a little more loved can never be a bad thing! Here goes..

1.  Get some organisation and structure to your life (hang on a minute, you're thinking, she's supposed to be promoting me-time and relaxation, not a militant training regime..) - hear me out here! Until very recently, and even right now, I guess, I'd spend my time at Uni vaguely planned out, with some distant idea of what needed to be done when, and the odd trip to the library / Tesco as and when I needed it, but I'd never actually made regular lists and schedules. This left me stressed out, upset and too eager to do everything I'd set myself up for to cancel things (which, as a side note, I definitely should have done. Priorities were so lacking in my life!). Don't get me wrong, spontaneous trips can be a form of self care, and are fantastic, but a good underlying routine can help you to be happier and healthier in the long run. Perhaps start by writing a list at the start of each day with a few basic things to clear, and you might get as much of a kick out of crossing out things like "laundry", "send email" and "get milk" as I do... yep, I really do enjoy that process of ticking things off! I've started regularly getting up before midday in the holidays (and given my laziness, this probably deserves a medal - I know this isn't a big achievement for most people) and have been really impressed with the fact that you can get most of your daily activities done by lunchtime, if you're efficient! My good friend Darcy has been a huge inspiration to me in my quest to master organisation, so she is to thank for the fact that I actually sort-of have my life together at the minute - as well as a multitude of other amazing things I have to thank her for! Giving yourself that push to just get boring tasks out of the way, downloading a calendar app to keep all of your commitments in track, and setting your alarm that bit earlier can all contribute to a higher sense of achievement (not in the super-competitive academic way, more like a sense of being content and fulfilled) and making yourself feel on track and in control of life! Another great part of a regular schedule could be adding in social time with your friends - and even if you don't feel like discussing whatever's on your mind at the moment, just taking a break to see people you care about and chatting to them about everyday things, and how they're doing, can put your frame of mind back into positivity. At University, regularly seeing the people you care about in the midst of stressful deadlines and chaotic extra-curricular activities can help to keep you sane and on the home straight! And ta-da, you're on the way to self-care city*!

2. Compile a lovely uplifting playlist to listen to on any down days or periods of "meh" that will make you feel a little better, or at least, if they don't, you can at least have some 80s music as the soundtrack to those "meh" days! I am a massive advocate of music to get yourself into a different headspace, to listen to in the background during a bath or shower, having your headphones in whilst out and about.. household tasks seem a lot less dull when you have some sort of poppy beat in the background! If you have a go-to "feel good" playlist, to let your hair down and party to of a Friday evening, as well as for your evening down-time, this will make you much more likely to utilise it! I think the key to this is updating and switching around your "faves" playlist as often as you like, to avoid getting stuck in a loop of stuff you no longer listen to. Spotify have some brilliant ready-made playlists too! I recommend Feel Good Friday and Monday Motivation for throughout the week, because Thursday evenings need as much motivation as Monday mornings sometimes! Oh, and for the record (pun intended) Hamilton is being blasted all day every day during the holiday - Clemency - I miss our jam revision and Hassans sessions!

3. Be a friend to yourself, and let your friends know what's up so they can look out for you. Taking hours to overthink things, feel guilty and get het up is one of my biggest anti-self-care acts!! If you feel like you need to have a heart-to-heart with a friend, write an important email, ring someone you've had a row with, end a particular relationship, get through a mountain of work.. often these things are best talked about aloud, written down, or simply got out of the way. Going round in circles in your head can make you feel so much worse, and I know how poisonous our own thoughts can get! We're our own worst enemy when it comes to self perception, and often judge ourselves much more critically than anyone else would. An analogy I often hear is that if you're making a self-deprecating or overly harsh comment, either about your appearance or actions, have a think about how your closest friends would react to hearing you say this, or whether or not you'd ever say anything of the sort to them. If you would say this to them, or feel they'd encourage you to continue to talk about what's on your mind, then you're either massively into brutal honesty (good for you, but perhaps this needs toning down at times!), or needing to, gradually, and at your own pace, come to terms with important personal home truths. And this is often so hard! We sweep things under the carpet, hoping that since we're the only people who know the deepest truths about ourselves means that they'll stay hidden, when really, talking to someone would put our minds at ease so much more. Nowadays, the pressure to be "perfect" in so many regards, having the perfect lifestyle, diet, figure, job, academic interests, home, workout routine... can get too much to be able to cope with, and it's so important to realise that you, every one of you, is wonderful as they are, and shouldn't be warped into thinking any particular body image or lifestyle is "ideal" - and friends and family can be so brilliant in reminding you about how beautiful you are as you are without changing to fit in, and how well you're doing - this is the heart of self care, from my perspective! *sorry guys that got a bit emotional!* It could be a family member, friend, University or school contact, counsellor or a nurse or doctor, but if there's something playing on your mind, whether it be about your personal life, health or relationships, I'd really encourage you to let it out to someone rather than suffering by yourself. So many people are here to help, and if you're having a good day, why not let your friends know that you're there for them - maybe your positivity and care could be used to help them to feel how special and awesome they are!

4. Go on a walk. I love walks. During exam season, I would procrasti-walk, which probably isn't even a thing - see the lengths Linguistics problem sheets would take me to, guys. It wasn't fun. My poor (probably sick-to-death-of-me) friends would receive a message on the group chat every day asking if any of them would join me on a walk round Oxford that afternoon - yeah, sorry about that, guys..! And most of the time I'd go on my own, grab a coffee (this became a rather expensive habit) and take a walk round Christ Church Meadows with my headphones in. The sportier among you may take this advice and go on "early morning runs". I applaud you, I really do, but I don't do runs. Like Miranda says, I feel like a grown adult should only feel the need to run if they're near a train station and have just glanced at their watch.. Feel free to up the pace from my casual stroll, but I feel like getting out into the open for half an hour can really perk you up, especially as a revision or work break. Having some me-time of self care to think through your plans for the day, contemplate whatever your mind's been filled with, and not having the pressure of maintaining a conversation / being sociable can be hugely beneficial. And if you can find pretty Instagram-worthy scenery on your way, all the better! 

5. Buy yourself some treats! Sometimes what you really, really crave is that particular bar of chocolate, getting yourself a new lipstick, bath bomb, face mask, stationery set.. the list goes on. If you've been eyeing up something in a shop window for months on end, and are going through a bit of a rough patch, why not treat yourself to it? I know budgets and all are kind of important, but occasionally, a little splurge purchase can help yourself to feel so much better, and hey, if you'd had your eye on it for a while anyway, chances are you won't regret it too much! You are so special, every one of you, and deserve to have some luxury in your life! Disclaimer: I'm not a financial advisor and please don't hold me responsible for your bank balance.. I'm only advocating an odd treat here and there ;) #treatyourself

6. Realise that some things can't be changed, and that bad things that happen to you are by no means a reflection on you as a person. Self care is about realising that you can't be superhuman and have made, and will make mistakes! Life is bad and unfair a lot of the time, and it is incredibly tough to get by, but dwelling on the negatives and feeling like you're not good enough / should give up / should have acted differently a million years ago in some situation that nobody even remembers is generally unhelpful! Try to invest your energy in building positive relationships, trying out new hobbies, having fun and living in the moment, rather than focussing on what you can't go back to. A sense of peace and acceptance of the past is so helpful, and though it takes a while to come to terms with these qualities, once you feel comfortable enough to put bad memories behind you and move forward, the self-care truly begins!

As always, I truly hope that some of you might feel even a little bit better reading this post, and that you'll be encouraged to be less hard on yourself, pamper yourself more, think less about the negatives, and have special treats when needed. I'll pop some links below if you'd like to seek help and support for any issue, and look forward to hearing any replies, whether you agree or disagree with my rather spontaneous advice, and what you like doing on days where me-time calls!

Lots of love,
Jenna
xxx

*If such a place does exist, you'll find me there all day, every day, drinking tea, messaging friends and watching Location Location Location. Actually, perhaps Kirstie and Phil could find me a house in Self-Care City.. Yes, I am actually 75 years old...

Helpful links:

http://www.samaritans.org
http://www.nhs.uk/service-search/Mental-health-support/Location/330
http://www.selfcareforum.org/about-us/useful-links/
https://www.ox.ac.uk/students/welfare/counselling/self-help/podcasts?wssl=1 (not just for Oxford students)
https://www.ox.ac.uk/students/welfare/counselling/self-help/self-care?wssl=1   (")
http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VamqK8P3WfI - Lucy Moon's video was one of the things that inspired me to write this! She's awesome

Three Ways to Maybe be Happier

Hey everyone! Long time, no blog! But anyone who knows me will have experienced my sporadic tendencies to be creative, which are probably actually directly related to how bored of revision I am... so sorry! Anyway, this is going to be a little ramble about 3 metaphorical nuggets of university (and life and school and the like) wisdom. Disclaimer: I am in no way wise.

1. Don’t get psyched out by others, or, more importantly, the voice in the back of your head! Comparison really is the thief of all joy. As is an overly active subconscious… So realise that as all your past achievements have been personal ones, independent of others’ successes (ok except that one module your very helpful friend helped you ace)  why is there a reason to pit yourself up against anyone else for future endeavours? Only you are in charge of your own happiness, and your path in life!! I wonder how much time we all waste thinking about people, things, potential scenarios and mistakes that never actually matter. It’s probably ridiculous. At uni, especially somewhere very competitive like Oxford, it’s almost impossible to not look at what everyone else is doing with their lives. But I’ve realised that the more time you spend looking at how inferior you feel your life or worth is compared to other people’s, the more you start to believe it. Whatever you give your brain time and fuel to think about will end up taking over. It’s such a simple concept but I think it could be the key to everyone being a lot happier in life! Wasting time thinking about why you might not be as good as someone else or regretting that unproductive vacation or that Easter egg you ate all in one go isn’t going to change the past, it will literally only make you feel worse. No good can ever come from dwelling on bad events in the past or negative comparisons. So block out that silly voice in the back of your head that’s making you feel guilty and just move on! Take action to make this happen if needed - stop spending time with people who might make you feel less worthy, stop reading things that make you feel unnecessarily upset. It’s not worth your valuable time bringing yourself down (that sounds silly to even write!) - you’ve got friends to make, clubs to join, essays to nail, and better decisions to make! 
2. Pace yourself!! It’s so tempting to go out there and try to do and be absolutely everything, all at once. This could apply to work, social situations, new hobbies or relationships. Apply this to uni, and you will end up fairly broke, exhausted, hungover, regretful, and with a general sense of “urgh” if you approach it like a high speed train!! I know I mentioned this in my Fresher’s Guide post, but think that this long-term perspective is so worth keeping in mind for all areas of life. Especially the academic. And it’s something I’m still learning! Planning is key to avoiding a last-minute panic of revision cramming, knocking out an essay whilst only half-aware of where you are and what your title is.. yep, I’ve been there, as many of us have, and it’s not pretty. Planning is actually ridiculously hard, (at least I’ve found), but a couple of basics from one of the least organised people ever: just know what tasks you have due in and when (write these down somewhere other than the back of your hand), roughly how long they’ll take, what books or resources you’ll need, and a space of time other than *the night before* in which to complete it. That’s it!! That’s literally how you plan*. Now keep applying this logic to other parts of your life - want to become great at fitness? Don’t join 5 clubs at once and ditch all forms of sugar on a whim. Start gradual! This could even work for personal changes - loads of people want to reinvent themselves at uni (lolz anyone who knows me will know that I am pretty easy to read most of the time and can’t deal with this reinvention lark). But you could start, for example, with a little change every day. Want to be more productive? Set your alarm for gradually earlier times until you keep it consistent! Don’t burn yourself out though, ever. It’s way more important to have a good quality of life, get enough sleep, and have regular meals, whilst falling behind on a couple of deadlines perhaps, and maybe not going on that night out / run / society event that you were sort of looking forward to. If you keep in touch with your tutors and let them know if it’s all a bit too much, chances are, they’re a human with a busy life themselves who will more than likely understand and offer you some sympathy and a few days’ extension, to get back on your feet. Friends will be equally understanding if you can’t spend as much time with them, or need more “me time”. Nobody expects you to be superhuman! So you shouldn’t expect it of yourself, either. 

3. Be a bit braver than you’d like to be. Go with your gut, and trust your instincts here. If you’re sitting in a tutorial with a potentially interesting point to raise, just go for it. You are paying for an education, so use every opportunity you can get to clarify things, or expand on your own brilliance! Most importantly, far fewer people will judge you for raising your hand in a lecture to ask a question than you think, and those that do really aren’t worth your time. This goes for friendships and social stuff too.  If someone sitting at lunch looks friendly, just go and chat to them! If there’s an audition you thought looked interesting but you don’t feel prepared enough to take the plunge, just drop an email anyway and turn up with a half-learned monologue which you can read. Literally nothing bad will come of it! I’ve been there - the worst that can happen is you might get a bit shaky, end up not getting the part, and move on with life. It is all a learning experience! I recently felt like wearing dungarees (side note: I’m rarely this adventurous with fashion..) so I just went for it, knowing that I might regret it or feel a bit silly later that day! This is turning into a load of cliches (in all honesty, what else would you expect from me at 2am during a revision crisis?!) but it’s true that you end up regretting the stuff you never tried rather than the stuff you did try and failed. In time, those failures really won’t matter that much. But the niggling sense of regret would have been so much worse! I recently watched a cool TedTalk video on “How to stop screwing yourself over” in which the speaker said that everything you have to do to achieve your goals requires a bit of activation energy that you’ll never really feel like doing. You’ll never want to try out something new, and get out of a routine (for me that routine is sleep for 12 hours, watch Netflix, half-heartedly type up a few notes, more Netflix, chocolate, bed…) but how ridiculous would life become if you never branched out of routine?! It’s worth a shot!

I really hope this helps some of you to be a bit more adventurous, self-confident and grounded as we head into this partly stressful and exam orientated, partly more sun, croquet (ridiculous but true Oxford stereotype..) and ice cream filled season that is summer! You're so worth more than to feel inferior to others, regretful of the past and overwhelmed with things you feel you should be doing! Drop me a comment if you liked / disagreed / found any of this vaguely interesting and I will most likely cry inside with joy. 

Jenna

P.S. On an utterly random note, if you’re in need of cheering up, I’ve recently become obsessed with Carpool Karaoke and the hilarious James Corden in general.. type in “Adele Carpool Karaoke” on YouTube for some laughs, drunken stories, fab harmonies and cheesy Spice Girls singing, I promise you won’t regret it :) 

*definition of plan is 99.999% likely to be more complex than this and my knowledge of planning fits on the back of a postage stamp. Which is probably where I’d write this knowledge seeing as I’m not organised enough to have a “jotter”.