How to Stay Positive..?

Hello everyone! *A new post?! From, potentially, the least active blogger on the planet?! I know, who'd have thought it.*

So after a really intense, fun and (mostly..) work filled first term at uni, I know as well as the next person that everything can get overwhelming, and make you lose sight of goals / perspective / reality / sanity / happiness / the list goes on. I can be awful at time management, motivation and I often procrastinate - I'll hold my hands up, it's difficult to just sit down and get *in the zone*, and this can lead to work build up, feelings of sadness and a loss of hope. I've been through it, I know how it feels! But recently things have been taking a turn for the better.

I'd been putting off a post of this sort for quite a while, and I've only just realised (after having a chat with my lovely friend Paula, without whom I'd never have started this blog!) why I was so tentative. It's because I really don't think I've nailed this *positivity* lark. Who am I to offer advice on something I don't even know how to manage myself yet? 

But here's something I've learned. There's never going to be a right time. To make a fresh start, to advise someone, make an important phone call, start an essay, open up a book, meet a friend... *shameless plug: my first post "Why are we waiting?" is basically this*. You just have to take that initial leap. I'm primarily going to give advice based on my new approach to work and academics, but thinking about it, this is applicable to most kind of life-struggle. 

Think of it as a hug and a biscuit, as well as a nudge in the right direction, in a blog post!

1. You're not on your own. It's so easy to get so boxed in, whilst in the middle of a deadline, sitting in your room or the library, thinking that nobody else is struggling, that you're the only one working, or even that there's nobody you can talk to. There is always somebody to talk to. Sometimes the most uplifting experience is just taking a step back, speaking to someone external to your environment (so maybe who doesn't go to your university or school, work at the same company, or even belong to your friendship group). And it doesn't have to be a counsellor or therapist if you don't want it to be. Just let your feelings out, and I can guarantee you that other people you speak to will be feeling the same way. Make sure you don't get yourself so entangled in your own little bubble of thoughts and fears that you lose sight of the bigger picture. If there's a specific topic you struggle with (*cough cough* friends of mine will have heard about my first-term difficulties with a certain new field of study!) it may help to have a quick chat to see if there's something vital that you're missing. Sometimes hearing someone else's take on an issue can help you to visualise things in another way which leads everything to click in your mind. It's worth a shot! And if you're studying and really cannot understand a concept, no matter how much help from friends (or Google!) that you seek, don't shy away from contacting your teachers or tutors. They're there to help you!  

2. Don't compare yourself to others. Just don't! (Put a "don't go compare" sign on your wall and sing the annoying TV ad in your head... Gosh I'm insane.) Now this is something I've struggled with, for years now. I never used to think of myself as a competitive person (certainly not with sport, I'm useless and just give up!) but lately I'm starting to think there's a streak in me that's constantly, subconsciously, trying to pit myself up against other people to validate, or confirm, how I'm doing. This is not a good way to live your life!!! Though it may seem like a natural instinct, it does so much more harm than good. For one thing, so many people struggle in silence (not taking advantage of point number 1, as you will now be aware ;) ) and so to everyone else, it seems like they're doing so well: there's always that one person who seems to maintain a flawless appearance, great friendship circle, fantastic grades, go to the gym, eat healthily, offer you advice, and generally have a sense of calm and composure, 24/7. I guarantee you that this is a facade. No such person exists. And you will never completely have everything together in your life. And that's okay! It's all about managing as best as you can. I find myself comparing the level of work I'm doing with people in completely different academic disciplines: how come I spend so much longer reading up for a weekly essay than some scientists will take on a problem?! Maybe the expression I'm looking for here is "each to their own", or an equivalent Paula taught me from this *urban teenage lingo* that I seem to have missed, "you do you, boo, you do you". I recently had a chat with the Chaplain at my college (one of the kindest and most level-headed people I know, she's ace) and she offered me a spiritual question here: "does God compare you to anyone else?". No, He doesn't: He looks at each individual for their qualities, their unique path in life and their speed of growth. Whether you're religious or not, this question can have great significance if you word it, perhaps, "why do other people's performance matter to me?". "Never compare your beginning to someone else's middle, or your middle to someone else's end". I reckon the only person you can *hesitates* compare yourself to, is other versions of yourself. It's such an accomplishment to see how far you've matured, whether socially, personally, spiritually or academically, and how, through just focussing on your own progress, you can become a much more positive person. Safety warning: don't be too hard on yourself though *why hello, Jess Glynne*. Nobody can be a "perfect" version of themselves! 

3. Bit by bit, day by day, you will get through this. This speaks for itself, I think. But it's fundamental! My outlook has changed, over the course of 24 hours, from "how am I ever going to manage this 500 page novel, X number of essays, X amount of vocabulary words...?". The trick is, you're never going to have to tackle all this in a single day. Break it down, and you'll find yourself in a more positive mindset. If you're really struggling to motivate yourself, just a small task is the key to setting off a positive chain. In the morning, set yourself a list of tiny goals, like getting ready, opening up your books, and gradually, if you see life as a series of achievable hurdles, you're going to be so much more positive. Calm yourself down if you end up overwhelmed with deadlines. You can do it, just one task at a time. The first step is definitely the hardest to take, but you'll be so glad you did! 

Thank you so so much for reading this far. I really appreciate every one of you :) I'd love it if you left me some comments with any tips you might have about positivity, or any quotes / strategies you find useful. And blog post ideas are most welcome!

I've left some links if you would like to chat about how you're feeling with someone (step number 1) - as I cannot claim to have any experience in this field, nor offer very professional advice. I hope these are helpful.

http://www.samaritans.org

http://www.self-help.org.uk

http://www.mind.org.uk

Jenna

xx

How to survive Freshers Week!

Hi everyone!! Another massive apology for the lack of posts but deadlines kind of took over my life over the past month, to the extent that getting enough sleep, and having a work/life balance was a struggle! All is well, worry not, I am now back home and loving life!! I hope you enjoy this post about how I got through Freshers Week :)

1. Get yourself organised: Make a list of all the compulsory talks, tours, registration events you have to attend, and prioritise them over everything else. If you get yourself ahead of the game, by pencilling in all your deadlines, contact hours and extracurriculars from week 1, your future self will love you for it. A couple of ideas I've seen that tend to work well include getting a calendar on your pin board, using a planner app, a physical diary, post it's, to-do lists... the possibilities are endless! Don't forget to take a look at things like Freshers Fair, introductory fun activities and stuff that the Student Union might be putting on to give you a fab start to Uni life! And as tempting as it will be in an unfamiliar environment, try not to stay holed up in your room on Skype to family and friends from home - there'll be far more to catch up on after diving into Uni life, and you'll feel so much less homesick once you've settled in with a new group of friends, believe me. Of course it's really vital to stay in touch, so dropping them texts and selfies as well as a couple of phone calls is a great way to keep them in the loop. On the whole, this is the week (or two weeks for some of you lucky lucky freshers.. guess who only really got 3 days off work and is incredibly resentful..?) where you can forget the fact that you're at Uni to study and immerse yourself in social activities! Ah, for another go at Freshers Week! 

2. Realise that you can't do everything: Going out every night might seem really attractive at the start, but you WILL get worn out! Take it from me - pick a few activities that you think you'll enjoy and ensure you get enough rest, even sitting around in the common room and chatting to other freshers is a great way to get to know people, you don't have to spend every minute out clubbing or trying out societies. Our college put on loads of alternatives to drinking events, meaning you could afford to have a couple of movie/games nights in and relax rather than go wild all the time. Pace yourself, you have the whole 3/4/ years to experience a variety of new things, not just this one week! Do as much as you can without exhausting yourself. *Oh and on a side note - if you've just come back from a night out and have been drinking, a couple of glasses of water before you go to bed will work wonders for your system!! And don't forget to set an alarm.. I definitely haven't made that mistake..*

3. Be yourself and others will flock to you: The most reassuring sight when you're looking around the dining hall for someone, anyone to sit with, is a smiley face and a free seat - if you make the extra effort to come across as friendly, you'll be instantly rewarded. But this doesn't mean putting on a front - I don't advise making anything up as by the end of term, you'll really regret telling other freshers that you did 7 A levels and auditioned for the X Factor last year.. there's just no point! Your current friends are with you because of who you are, and don't have any doubt that your future Uni friends will be just the same - I speak from experience, having made a bunch of amazing friends in my first term who I can be completely myself around, unapologetic and crazy! *shoutout to my lovely Maths duo, sassy sheepies and the Lincoln freshers who all made me feel so welcome*

I'm considering compiling these tips, along with a couple of funny anecdotes, into a Freshers Week video for my YouTube channel - please leave me a comment if you'd like to see it! 

Enjoy the Christmas holidays ("vacations" for fellow Oxonians.. there's never a holiday from work!) and thanks for reading!

Jenna
xx

Disappearing off the face of the earth..

Hi everyone!

It's been a very, very long time, I do realise that. So I have some explaining to do...

I arrived at University on 6th October, and in case you guys don't know, I'm at Oxford University, which has been a rather extreme, intense experience that's completely overwhelmed my life for the past three weeks.

I thought I'd take a moment to fill you in on my life and its twists and turns, (and also I'm in the library, supposedly working on an essay but have lost concentration.. I know, I'm an awful human being!) so what I will say is that it's been a whirlwind of emotions, fun, essay crises, new friends, deadlines, amazing food, fantastic opportunities, and a fair amount of confusion, too. 

The work is very challenging but I feel I've come along leaps and bounds even over the course of 4 essays. It seems that there's never a spare moment here, but I've learned that it's crucial to take some time out to relax, watch X Factor and do mindless tasks like laundry, just to keep yourself sane and vaguely human! This applies to people in all walks of life - whether you're at school, have a job, or are in some other circumstance, the supposed "work/life balance" needs to play a part in your routine for the sake of your wellbeing! Trust me here.

In all honesty, the amount of work and other opportunities to socialise, go to events, join societies and take part in stuff hit me like a ton of bricks at first, but I'm learning how to balance the juggling act that is Uni life, and so far, I'm coping (tired panda eyes are indeed a thing, but I've accepted them..)!!

In terms of blog writing (and YouTube channel.. remember I made videos once like a decade ago?!) I have no idea right now how much time (or energy!) I'll have, so I can't make any promises. But when exciting things happen, I'll be sure to fill you in at some stage (and maybe get that top ten under £10 post that I promised over a month ago!). I am so sorry for the lack of material on my end, but I really hope you can bear with me, and that my occasional blog posts will come as an unexpected surprise! 

I hope any of you who are at Uni are having an amazing time and learning how to live independently (leaving a pile of dirty mugs next to the sink will NOT automatically get washed by the time you next fancy a cup of tea..) - please let me know how you're finding it, I'd love to know how you're getting on!

Lots of blog love,
Jenna
:)

When I Grow Up

Hi everyone!

*Side note: I'm SO sorry that I said my next post would be a top 10 under £10 and this isn't quite that, but to explain - I've basically written that post but plan to take some nice artsy photos of all the products to add in and make it prettier, so that should be with you by the end of the week! You can't say I'm not a tease..*

So it’s just gone midnight, I’ve made myself a cup of tea and I figured it would be quite appropriate to write a spontaneous blog post for you all! Because at some point "Midnight Tea Blogs" was the name I picked...

And the theme today? In keeping with spontaneity, something that’s played on my mind today (or should I say yesterday!) has been growing up. 

ARGH those words scare me. I’m a weird kind of person. I feel like friends of mine would describe me as both wildly mature beyond my years (I’m known as the ”mum” of the group, and am the sort that says “text me when you get home so I know you’re safe” or “don’t forget your bus pass!” when they’re leaving..) and at the same time, such an excitable child at heart. To this day my heart skips a beat when I see swings in a playground or an ice cream van- and let me tell you, if you’re my age and don’t feel the same way, then you’ve done this growing up thing very wrong!! (That was a tiny bit harsh. But still, go swing for your life, my 18 year old chums!)

And this whole being stuck between two spheres of childhood and adulthood defines my life right now in more ways than one. For one part, my friends in my year have recently (all but a couple) moved off to uni to start their new lives, and I couldn’t be prouder of or happier for them!! But at the same time, this makes me feel younger than ever: I’m going to be at the University which starts the latest in the country (confirmed fact!) and this waiting period is rather daunting and isolating as I’m not sure what to expect from it all. When I was younger, I feel like I had this dreamy, idealistic view of me becoming a complete grown up with fully formed opinions and knowledge about stuff like politics, finance and literature by the time I’d finished Sixth Form when in reality.. I just resemble the same mix of thoughts, worries and craziness that I have for all my life, I’ve just learnt a couple more things along the way! I’m in no way ready to be an adult, but I guess that you don’t get to choose - that’s just the way the world works.

Don’t get me wrong, at times the thought of independent life and starting my own path, reinventing myself, making new friends and learning so much new academic content as well as life lessons fills me with excitement and makes me want to jump up and down! But I’ll admit it - there’s a lot of anxiety there too. I understand that this mixture of excitement and nerves is very normal at this time but it still feels pretty confusing to be caught up in all this adult stuff, especially as I’ve been at the same school for over 10 years and so rarely had to cope with a change of academic/social environment! It’s a huge jump, and as someone who’s still yet to immerse themselves into Uni life, the main pieces of wisdom in my mind right now are… (warning, these may resemble the points I spoke about in my “Change” post but from the growing up / Uni advice angle! There’s only so much advice I can give without repeating the same nuggets of wisdom, explained from another perspective!)

1. Growing up and change aren’t necessarily the same thing. Hear me out here - I know some people will take Uni as a chance to take on a completely different (often more outgoing, confident) persona, and like the opportunity to change identity, and while for me this is partially the case (my main aims are to worry less and live in the moment a bit more!) I feel like what’s made me who I am today, and all the wonderful friends I’ve gained along the way, has been being true to myself *wheen will my refleeeeection show who I am insiiiiiiide?* (I couldn’t resist!). I’m sorry again for the cheese - if you don’t like cheese guys, then you’re reading posts by the wrong blogger - I’m probably the cheesiest person I know! I don’t think being false or trying to go against your natural instincts gets you very far in life, and sure, some people will choose to try to magnify some qualities they love and detract from the bad habits, it’s hard to change altogether and I don’t think I’d ever want to. The people closest to me are there for a reason - it’s because I appreciate them for who they are and not some image they try to portray themselves to be. Imagine dating some famous Hollywood actor (I will allow for a brief fangirling moment here. Leo DiCaprio though ahh..) but the difference is, they’re constantly acting as their role when they're with you and never get to be their true selves. As lovely and flattering as this would initially seem, you'd see through the facade eventually and would be left with a feeling of disappointment at the deception. I am overcomplicating here, but you see my point? People will love you for being yourself, so as one of my faves, Paula, likes to say “you do you, boo, you do you” <3

2. Take it one step at a time! You don’t have to make friends with the first people you meet at school or uni (sure, please be friendly to them anyway as this may not be the case!)- there’s a time and a place for everything, so just keep breathing and keep everything in perspective. Follow a schedule, plan ahead and don’t immerse yourself in tons of societies and events that you can’t keep up with (I’m especially bad at this not overcommitting thing..) Similarly, I would advise you to try not to get caught up in the craziness that is binge drinking and losing control of yourself completely. Now this is a personal matter and you can choose to let this advice go in one ear and out the other, but personally, I don’t consider it safe or sensible to drink yourself into oblivion when you have lectures the next morning, are in an unfamiliar environment, or actually, at all. It just leads to recklessness and a lack of awareness about your actions. Here’s where I sound like a mum… anyway do with that last bit what you will, but growing up doesn’t have to mean downing shot after shot all in one night!! Slow down and enjoy the moment!

3. Don’t lose touch of the stuff that keeps you sane and reminds you of your childhood. It may be the case that for some, you’re never going back, the past is in the past, you just want to let it go (that was painfully cheesy) however there’s no shame in keeping hold of old memories, chatting to childhood friends, or just letting your hair down and doing stuff you used to love every once in a while. Whether this just means visiting a shop you loved as a kid (Disney store and Claire’s pop to mind!), going back to a park you spent time in with your friends, taking a visit to your primary school, or heck, spending the day in a onesie eating Smarties, watching The Little Mermaid, though many of you reading this may have gone through the growing up stage, you don’t have to leave everything behind you just because you’ve hit a certain age. Make time for the things that used to mean a lot to you - nostalgia can be a beautiful thing. Just make sure you remember to live in the present too - the clock will keep ticking so you’ve got to run along with it! :)

I hope this has helped you guys even a tiny bit to come to terms with growing up and adulthood - I sure as heck am no expert and still vastly consider myself to be a child! I’m considering doing a video / post on the things I miss about childhood, so leave me a comment if that sounds like something you’d be interested in!

For anyone finding the school to uni jump tricky at the moment, remember that you’re not on your own and that loads of people across the country will be feeling the same apprehension. Remember that plenty of help is available from these organisations should you feel like having a chat with someone more qualified than an 18 year old rambling blogger ;) 

See you next time!

Finding My Voice

Hi everyone! So I mentioned in my last post that I've been a bit ill recently, and to cut a long story short, I lost my voice for about 4/5 days last week! I have to say, having never been without my voice before, this was such a weird (if very frustrating) experience, which to me was rather like losing a limb, but I feel like I learnt a lot through this rather silent episode and especially as someone who's interested in linguistics and language!! So here are 5 things I've learnt about voice - appreciating it, using it wisely, and coping when you haven't got one!!

1. Your friends and family will very quickly see the funny side to it! I can't tell you the amount of times my mum's asked a question and had to stop herself and say 'oh you can't reply!' or 'tell me what's wrong? Oh dear I forgot you can't!' - don't worry, it was all in very good spirits and not to be taken to heart! If you don't know me well, you'll have had a lucky escape from my rather persistent speech (I could probably talk the hind legs off every animal in the farmyard, not just the donkey..) and so without it, there was a lot of humour to be found when I couldn't, for example, sing along (out of key..) to the songs on the radio, crack jokes or make my usual witty banterous comments! This provided much amusement to my family and friends!

2. Notepads are your saviour when you're voiceless - no joke, I carried a notepad and pen with me for the entirety of this week and had full blown 2 hour conversations in person with my friends (shoutout to Khushali and Hemali for bearing with me!) via the written word. I even had to write down my KFC and Nandos orders on paper because I couldn't explain them aloud.. Yes, shizz gets real when you need to non-verbally communicate that you'd like a wrap with halloumi and a mango quencher.. #notspon but I seriously want to thank everyone who was patient and understanding enough to stifle their giggles when I passed them notes! The guys at KFC were so sweet, I got a free bottle of water (which I didn't even ask for or initially accept) when I started coughing because they knew I'd lost my voice and was ill. Isn't that adorable??! Just goes to show that some people in this world are selfless and don't mind going the extra mile for others!

3. It's flipping frustrating! Now I only got to experience this feeling for a couple of days, but as someone who generally prides themself on being a linguist and fairly chatty, articulate person, losing my voice put me quite literally at a loss as to what to do with my day. I couldn't have heart to heart verbal phone calls with my friends at uni to see how they were settling in, or say hello, goodbye, please and thank you to waiters/bus drivers/cleaners which I usually do as an instinct. I felt so impolite and it made me sad to think that to these people, I looked like I didn't care. (Thankfully God always knows and I'm sure the good intention counts for something with Him ;)) Most interestingly of all, I'm a radio presenter at a local community station, and without stating (or miming) the obvious, I can't exactly present without a voice.. This meant I was restricted to behind the scenes producing that week (decided to go down nonetheless because radio is a big passion of mine, producing is fun and my team are so lovely!) - but to my surprise I found that even this was severely impaired by my lack of communication. Verbal communication is the fundamental basis of radio, even when you're producing (sorting out the show's order, talking to the presenters about what to say, planning ahead, briefing the team) - I was about a quarter as good a producer as I would have been with a voice, if not less. It's so hard to write notes to communicate your thoughts quick enough to keep up with a constantly buzzing show environment and when you can't raise your voice to get the team to listen, you lose authority! However I can't deny a really funny moment did arise from this - on my way home, fellow radio presenter Louis commented that the fact I could only whisper in his ear during a show freaked him out even more than if I was shouting!! This made my day as it must have been quite unnerving for him just hearing my whispered commands!

4. I never fully appreciated what I had in the first place with my voice. Deep moment, guys! It's so true that you don't know what you've got til it's gone *they paved paradise, and put up a parking lot* (if you got that reference you are very cool and I applaud you!) The use of my voice I missed most, other than general courtesies when out and about, was just having casual chats with my mum about what we're having for dinner, how my day was, exciting stories I had to tell.. It's those moments where having a voice matters most, not just when I'm presenting, or placing orders in a shop. Also it's infuriating when the phone rings and you have to contemplate whether to answer or not.. I mean it sounds rude if you answer and don't speak but is it worse not to answer at all..? For anyone reading this, I urge you to write now just speak to someone around you (I mean if you're on the tube this is best avoided.. I mean someone you know well!) about random life things, tell them how much they mean to you (again, strange bloke on the train = not the ideal target) and use your voice while you still have it! On a wider level, we are SO lucky to have freedom of speech and a democratic right to peaceful protest (something which sadly Spaniards don't have right now under new government laws :( ¡si alguien aquí habla español y quiere discutir este asunto conmigo, mándame un mensaje en el comentario!) so I urge you to go out and make the most of the fact that your opinion matters, and that you can change stuff, aided by a little (or maybe it's big.. I was never that good at Bio) voice box inside your throat! Your voice makes the difference between a country run solely by politicians and a country that you can help to change! Wow I sound like a politics speech writer.. (Shanita, that little pep talk was inspired by you for when you're PM and I'm your speech writer ;))

5. Actions speak louder than words (fed up reader: "oh for pete's sake stop with the cheesiness and the overly emotional idioms, Jenna" *slams laptop and runs away*) ok I'm sorry that I'm practically a mozzarella stick by now (yum!), but I can't count the number of times where a smile or a big hug (NOT the stranger on the train I assure you!) has transmitted my feelings more than a couple of words could. When I was catching up with an old friend, just being with her, her seeing my facial expressions and gestures, conveyed what I felt more than what I wrote in my notepad, and it's made me appreciate the power of non-verbal communication so much. In other news, I may even lean sign language one day.. watch this space!

So I hope this vaguely amused/informed some of you about my rather odd experience of life last week, and that you'll take something from it (perhaps it's just stranger danger.. Don't hug randomers on the tube: life advice!). Please understand that I in no way represent or aim to offend anyone with a permanent speech impairment or any form of disability (quite the opposite, I assure you) and this article is merely intended to entertain readers and provoke thought about the power of our opinions, voice and words! 

Sneak preview: my next post will be *drum roll* a top 10 under £10 makeup post! I love loads of drugstore / high street products so this is going to be such a fun one to write! See you then :) (unless you're a guy.. In which case, all the more reason to treat your mum/girlfriend/friend who's a girl/nan/ or even yourself!)

My World Speech

Hi everyone! First off, major apologies - I know I haven't posted on my blog for a little while now, and by way of explanation, I've been pretty ill!! I came down with some sort of virus and it put me out for almost two weeks, but the good news is I'm almost fully recovered now, and back to regular uploads :)

World Speech? What's that all about? Well recently I googled "deep life questions" (I was in a very philosophical mood everyone, don't judge!) and I came up with a page of amazing questions on a site called https://blog.udemy.com/thought-provoking-questions/ - so what better way to spend my time whilst ill than talking to my lovely friend Shanita about a couple of them! 

One of the questions that most sticks in my mind from the discussion we had is "If you could send a message to the entire world, what would you say in 30 seconds?".

In response, I typed out some spontaneous thoughts and came out with the following "speech" - and I realise that it's quite generic and more aspirational than practical. Anyway, here goes:

"Love yourself, love each other, find peace with each other because war only ever leads to pain and destruction. Find a way to solve your disputes and realise the important stuff to you before it's too late. Live in the moment, and be grateful for all you have. Help others as much as you can - you never know when you may need help back."

Now I've timed this and it's only about 20 seconds... I never was any good at estimation!

So what would you all want to tell the world, if given under 30 seconds? I'd love to hear your responses! 

Massive thanks to Shanita for listening to my late night philosophical rambles and not completely dismissing my nonsense!!

Guilt, Judgement and Running the Life Marathon

I recently spent a couple of days with some lovely folks from the Christian Union at my University, which has led me to a bunch of pretty life-changing realisations!! Even if you're not at all religious, I feel that we all have something to learn from these musings on judgement, both self-judgement and judging others, and the horrible burden of guilt, which I think should be left in the past, though not entirely forgotten.

1. Guilt: Focus on being a good person rather than self-condemnation. This really is the key to a positive mental attitude! One of the lines I heard during the residential was to "leave all sense of condemnation at the door", which is such a liberating experience and allows us to live in the moment, unaffected by feelings of shortcoming and regret. Believe me when I say that every single person on the earth has at some stage sinned, or done something they probably shouldn't have done, but focusing on the past, other than recognising that we are not perfect individuals, and what you can learn from mistakes, has no benefit whatsoever. If we live our lives with guilt in the back of our minds, our judgement is clouded, and we are almost rendered blind to all the awesome stuff we have done and could do. It's always the way that we remember one tiny, niggling regret rather than the other 100 acts of kindness we might have done in the past; it's just human nature to dwell on our flaws rather than our talents and capabilities. 

But here's the difference between condemnation and growth: the people who focus on what they can learn and develop from their sins and guilt get much further in life, and have a much happier time of things, than those who continue to feel a sense of regret and dissatisfaction. It's so so hard: I know this feeling all too well myself, whether it be remembering some exam grades that may not have been my shining hour, to times where I've made mistakes in friendships, been quick to anger etc.  (which let's face it, everyone else has probably forgotten and I'm the only one beating myself up about them!!). If you're struggling with this step, I encourage you to remember that, if you do have a faith, which I do, I believe that God is always merciful and forgiving. Once you come to terms with the fact that your mistakes are forgiven, since we are all imperfect and journeying through our own paths and obstacles,though you may never forget them, you'll feel a weight lifted off your shoulders! *cue Idina Menzel's Let It Go*

2. Judgement: Now that you've come to terms with personal weaknesses and flaws, and accepted them for what they are (learning experiences), learn to accept others in the same way. We all tend to judge people, if subconsciously, whom we haven't met, and often we don't even realise the stereotypes we may have of different groups of people. What good does it do anyone to have negative perceptions of others? Though it's much harder to live life through this lense, I think it's so helpful to treat everyone you meet as someone you can learn something from, whether that leads you closer to or further away from them, whether they become a future best friend or a distant acquaintance. Similarly, speaking about others in a negative light behind their backs is something we all know is best avoided. Why? Well other than the fact that this gossip could possibly lead back to them (oops), we have only seen a fragment of their lives, and it's unfair to judge anyone on a small segment of their behaviour (think of swans who are frantically paddling underwater, but to the outside world appear as happy as Larry!). Even if we feel we know the person very well, chances are that there's a reason why they are being particularly sulky, moody, or perhaps ignoring your messages. So tolerance, I guess, is the second step, as well as approaching new people with an open mind, something that it especially vital around the time of going to university, or making a fresh start.

3. Running the Life Marathon: Don't lose heart when you experience disappointments or when something goes wrong. This is the main message that has stuck in my mind from the Pastor's talks over the past few days (Andy Robinson, lovely guy!) - that endurance, and maintaining hope, can outweigh everything else. We all learn to develop a "thicker skin" having faced troubles, but we all need to be reminded sometimes that everything we experience, all the pain and suffering we may undergo, is only temporary and will
pass: so get back up and complete the marathon! For those of us who believe in afterlife, we may look to eternal happiness and joy to put things into perspective, when we cannot help but be overwhelmed by our problems. Something that could be beneficial to all of us, whether religious or not, is finding a few things that keep us sane, on the straight and narrow, and pick us back up when we feel guilty or burdened with stress. I'll list some examples that spring to mind: family, friends, music, food (especially of the chocolate variety, but only in moderation! Please don't use this blog as an excuse to binge eat, I'm merely recommending it as a pick-me-up!!), going on walks, doing a dance class, watching a Rom Com (Pau Pau, that one's for you, b ;)), painting your nails, having a de-clutter, writing a diary, reading a book, or, my personal favourite, tea. I'm one of those Brits who believe that a cup of tea and a chat with a friend can get you through pretty much everything (try it and let me know if it works!!). 

Now and then we need to be reminded of the support and love of our family and friends, so if you're struggling with self-judgement and feeling beaten down by things going wrong, that's exactly what
these circles are there to provide. Find a couple of people who never fail to make you realise when the wallowing and self-pity gets too much (a week of "Netflix, (pizza) and chill" after a relationship break up may not be the healthiest way to handle it), but who, on the flip side, warn you when you've taken on too much work, or have lost the work/life balance in the midst of essay crises (love that word. Crises.) These people really are the best, and I want to thank those of you in my life (you know who you are, my fab friends!) for the countless times they've put it all into perspective for me. Much love and virtual tea to you guys!!

I really hope this could be of some benefit to you all - even if only one of these pointers has rung true, it could make all the difference to living your life with one less burden, and a more positive attitude.

Have a lovely week and speak to you (virtually!) soon :)

Remember to leave a comment if this has helped you, I'd fall off my chair with joy if you did. No really, it's true!!